


Far From Human

by shimmeringswift



Series: The Siren Song [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Boyfriends, F/F, F/M, Illnesses, In-The-Know!Becky, Innuendo, Intimacy, Language, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, More Towards the Books, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Panic Attacks, Parabatai, Platonic Cuddling, Shadowhunter!Simon, Sharing Clothes, Sickness, Sleepy Cuddles, Warlocks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:56:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11065092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shimmeringswift/pseuds/shimmeringswift
Summary: “Magnus,” a hissing sound escaped through her teeth, which were ground together tight enough to hurt. “There is something devastatingly wrong with that child.”He sighed. “I know. That’s why I called you. I thought you might be familiar with what is happening to him.”“You think I would know something of that? The only thing I do know that no mere boy should possess an aura like that!” Catarina’s hand flew out to point at the door. “That aura is- is-” Her voice fell to a whisper. “I’ve never seen anything like before. It’s haunting. It’s so dark, but at the same time it’s bright enough to be something holy.”Her arm dropped back to her side and she looked up at the other warlock with a slight shake of her head. “Magnus, what is that boy?”“I’m not certain.” He touched her upper arm. “But I do know one thing.”“What is it?”He looked away, his expression becoming distant. “He’s far from human.”





	1. And not everyone sees (we got this crazy chemistry)

**Author's Note:**

> A few things before you continue:  
> 1\. It has been a very long time since I wrote this story, so the first few chapters may be a bit sludgy. And it's un-beta'd soo...  
> 2\. Don't own the series or characters, just the idea.  
> 3\. This is based more off of the book series, taking place after City of Heavenly Fire. But, for those of you who haven't read it, no worries, it should still make sense. It is pretty spoiler free for the book series, seeing as I altered it.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was obvious that they were drawn to Simon’s singing. At first, it didn’t bother him. In fact, Simon barely even noticed their attempts to lure him into singing more often. It was simple things such as having him wipe off the kitchen counters, do the dishes, or cook dinner. He had figured it was because Isabelle couldn’t cook that they asked him, and it probably was the first time. He didn’t mind all of that. Those things were basic chores to pull his weight since he had moved to the Institute.

But this was too much.

He had finished taking a much needed shower. Simon exited the steaming bathroom with a towel around his hips and another being used to scrub his hair dry. What he saw when he exited the bathroom caused him to scream. Except, he was a young man, he didn’t scream. He released a _manly_ cry of alarm. Oh, he wasn’t fooling anyone. He _did_ scream because this was too damn weird.

Clary and Isabelle were standing outside the bathroom door in the hallway, watching him. Simon took the towel from his hair and wrapped it over his chest. “By the Angel! What the hell is wrong with you two?”

“Nothing.” They answered in unison. “We just wanted to hear you sing.” The girls looked at each other with devilish grins.

“Well, next time, just ask! No more shower listening. Shower time is Simon time.” He said in a firm voice. “Now, move.”

Isabelle moved out of his way and leaned over to whisper something to Clary. They burst into giggles. He shook he head and walked down the hallway. As he walked back towards his room, Clary called, “Simon, you have something on the back of your leg.”

“It’s called a Rune, Fray.” Simon replied somewhat bitterly as he turned the corner. “You should be familiar with them.”

He stormed into his room and slammed the door shut behind him. With a shake of his head, he let the towel around his chest fall to the floor. He used the one around his waist to dry himself off. Simon tried to find the mark Clary had mentioned, but only found a stamina rune on the back of his thigh. With a shrug, he got dressed. He pulled on a pair of dark colored jeans and a faded gray shirt that read in blue, _If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong._

After grabbing the first book he saw off of his nightstand, which happened to be _The Hobbit_ , Simon turned off the lights and left his room. The Institute seemed quiet as he walked through the hallways. Although it was a comfortable silence. It was a silence he was used to. He almost liked it. It was definitely refreshing.

He hummed, taking his time going down the stairs. He wove his way through the Institute to the kitchen and set his book down on the island in the center of the room. Simon walked over to the refrigerator with a soft sigh. Food sounded amazing, but nothing appealed to his appetite. Opening the fridge, he inspected what they had. There were a lot of leftovers which needed to be thrown away because Isabelle had made them, some fruit, apple juice, and the basic dairy products. He huffed and turned to the pantry next to the fridge. He rummaged around a bit, but found nothing. He relented to going out and getting food.

After setting down his book on the table, he called out, “I’m going to go get food. I’ll be back.”

Whistling, Simon set his book on the counter and headed out the front door of the Institute. He had developed a strong craving for sea food recently, which was bizarre, because he had never been fond of sea food much before. For some reason though, he now wanted sushi. His mouth watered at the thought of it. He could walk to Taki’s, after all, it wasn’t too far away. Plus, he would be away from the girls longer. And quite frankly, the longer, the better.

The others wouldn’t approve of him going alone, but he didn’t give two shits at the moment. He was craving fish, the girls were being weird as hell, Alec was with Magnus, and there was no way in hell that he was going to go with Jace. With a sigh, he shot the blonde Shadowhunter a text to inform him he was going to Taki’s and didn’t want company.

He took a seat at a small booth in the corner. Simon browsed the menu, sighing softly. He slid off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. His sleeping patterns hadn’t been the best as of late. Nightmares had been filling his mind and disrupting his much needed rest. They weren’t nightmares that he could even make sense of. No, they were strange. Each one was a little different, but they all had the same theme. Water.

The most recent dream that Simon had was from two nights before, and it was the one he despised the most. In it, he had been deep in the ocean and was sinking. It was a full moon, or extremely close to one, from what he had seen under the water. He hadn’t been able to move. His body had felt heavy, like someone had tied lead to his hands and feet. It had been cold and painful. His spine and legs had an intense pressure on them. The pressure had almost caused them to snap.

He hadn’t been able to breathe. It was repulsive, the way he’d been able to feel the life slowly drain from his body as he urged himself to move, but was unable. Simon had longed to swim to the surface and breathe in the salty air. Though, even if his limbs had been able to move he had somehow been aware that he wouldn’t be able to reach the surface before he had drowned.

The nightmare had chilled him to the bone and still did. He had been forced to endure his body slowly losing feeling everywhere. It was slow torture. He had known he was dreaming, but he couldn’t wake himself up. When he finally had awoken, Simon was soaked in sweat and screaming. Above him, holding his shoulders had been Jace. The older Shadowhunter was covered in sweat and had a panicked look in his eyes, a look that Simon was unfamiliar with.

Isabelle, Alec, and Clary were all behind Jace and watching with worried expressions. It had been two o’clock in the morning, a glance at his alarm clock told him. Jace had helped him climb out of bed and to the bathroom. He had been shaking so badly that he wasn’t able to stand on his own for over half an hour. Clary had assisted him in the shower, seeing as she was his _parabatai_ as well as the fact that she had insisted upon it. She had dressed him in a clean pair of pajamas and slipped his glasses on his nose as well as getting dressed herself. Then, they had gone down to the kitchen where the others were waiting.

Simon had been pushed into a chair at the table and handed a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Everyone was watching him, but no one had said a word. Isabelle had taken the seat across from him and folded her hands in front of her. The room had stayed silent until he had spoken. He had told them that it wasn’t the first time the nightmares had struck. Simon had been careful when explaining, never saying more than he needed to.

The nightmares were common occurrences, but he never had more than one a night. He had lowered his gaze to the table at this point. Isabelle had reached out and touched his hand. In a somewhat cautious tone, she had asked him how long he had been having the nightmares. At the question, he’d winced. Clary, who had been standing behind him, had placed a hand on his shoulder. Some of his tension had drained at her touch. Simon’s voice had been no louder than a whisper when he confessed he had been having them for years.

A thick tension had filled the room when the other four Shadowhunters had heard the news. Isabelle’s hand had tightened around his. The stiffness in air was stifling, but Simon couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t be able to stand on his own, and he didn’t have a valid excuse. He couldn’t say he was tired because there was no way he would be able to sleep the rest of the night. He was certain they all knew that. Normally, he would do schoolwork after his nightmares, or catch up on television, anime, or manga. Unfortunately, the Institute didn’t have televisions (except for one that both Simon and Clary had insisted upon getting so that they could at least watch the news and a DVD player), nor did it have computers. Simon had a few of his own electronics, but he had forgotten them when he went to visit his sister’s apartment the weekend before.

“They weren’t often when they started.” Underneath the table, Simon had shuffled his feet. His hair had still been wet, but he had dealt with it. There was something about the water that bothered him and at the same time, comforted him. It had reminded him the dreams were false and that he was indeed awake. Simon had informed the other Shadowhunters of everything with as little information as he could. “In the beginning, I only had them once every six months. The next year, I had them once every three months. Those are both rough estimates, course. After that, the nightmares came once a month. Then, once a week. Now, I have them almost every night.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he had caught Alec counting the years on his fingers with wide eyes. “Simon, that’s almost five years.”

Everyone’s gaze had turned to the Lightwood heir. Except Simon’s. He had closed his eyes and sighed. “I know.”

After that, there was a long silence and he was sent to the living room with Isabelle. They had lain on the sofa, watching late night television. He had rested his head on her shoulder and she had looped her arm through his. She had held his hand and intertwined their fingers. It was in a supportive way, of course. After his Ascension, he had remembered everything that had been taken away from him over a three month period, but it was still awkward for them to be a couple. They had broken up a month after they had gotten back together. It had resulted in the two becoming great friends, and when watching a movie with the girls one night, Simon realizing he was bisexual.

With that, he had to tell his mother as well as his sister. Becky was more than okay with it, in fact, she encouraged it. Gleefully, she had informed him if he was ever interested, there was a gay guy at her college that she would hook him up with. He had made a face and they had spent the whole weekend watching movies and television shows about gay guys. Simon had never known that there were that many movies about gay people. His eyes had been opened to a whole new world.

His mother hadn’t taken it well, though. She had been outraged and basically kicked him out, saying that it was for his own good, that he could come back when he was through with this phase. Simon had gathered what he would need for the weekend and stayed at Becky’s again. On Monday, after his mom had gone to work, Simon had gone back with Alec, Clary, Jace, Isabelle, and Magnus. Becky had tagged along too. She had insisted on meeting the people he was going to live with and see where he was going to live. They had ended up showing her the Institute. Only the outside, of course.

When he was injured badly enough that they weren’t sure that he was going to live the rest of the week, Simon insisted that they send a message to the Clave, asking that he could tell his sister about the Shadowhunters. They replied within three days. Seeing as it was special circumstances, the Inquisitor had written that he could tell one person and they had to be a blood relative. Still bedridden, Simon begged Isabelle (who had become good friends with his sister) to go get Becky. It hadn’t taken long for them to arrive. Fortunately, Isabelle had taken Alec, who had explained most of it to Becky already.

Becky refused to leave his side after that. The next day, when Simon had gotten drastically worse, the Silent Brothers finally arrived. He was healed, but told that he couldn’t be reckless and it would be at least two weeks before he would be allowed to hunt again. Becky had stayed with them for a week after that, sharing Simon’s room with him. He didn’t argue, he would have done the same thing if he had been in her shoes. She had probably been severely shaken up about it.

Although, when Becky had shared his bed with him, he didn’t have any nightmares for the first time in four years. Maybe he should stay with her more often. There was something about her presence that relaxed him. She brought him more comfort than his own mother, strangely enough. _Maybe I should go see her this weekend._ he thought. _It’s been a little while since we’ve really talked. I should give her a call._ That might be for the best, especially after his most recent nightmare. For a moment, he considered telling her about his nightmares, but she would probably take him to a therapist when she heard how bad they were. She wouldn’t mean any harm by it, obviously, but-

“By yourself again today, Simon?” His train of thought was halted by a voice from above him. Simon put his glasses back on and looked up.

He smiled. “Yeah, just me today Kaelie.”

“You look tired, do you want me to bring you a cup of coffee?” The fae girl smiled, showing off her pointed teeth. She handed him a menu. “Here.”

He took it and set it on the table. “Coffee would be great, thanks.”

“I’ll be right back with that, then.” Kaelie winked at him and flounced off, adding an extra bit of sway to her hips. There was no denying how beautiful she was, that was for certain. Although she wasn’t his type, Simon would consider dating her. He snorted to himself. _Not my type. Yeah, because a living fantasy from just about every rpg ever isn’t my type._

With a shake of his head, he grinned. _Though, I’d say I’ve pretty much become a fictional character myself._

Simon almost regretted not bringing his book along with him. It wasn’t that the diner was busy, but it would have given him something to do. Instead, his nightmare haunted him again. His heart pounded in his chest as the blue water flashed into his vision. He inhaled sharply and clenched his fists, which were sitting on his legs. A weight settled on his chest, making it harder for him to breathe. Each breath he took was short and shallow. His head fell back against the bench of the booth.

Chills ran down his spine. The air seemed too cold in the diner. His hunger diminished almost instantly. The scent of seawater filled his nose and a choking sound escaped his mouth.

A pair of lips pressed to his and a warm liquid being pushed into his mouth snapped him from his trance. The bitter taste of black coffee forced Simon’s eyes to fly open. He jerked backwards and started to cough a little. A napkin was pressed to his face, wiping off the coffee that had spilled out of his mouth. He found himself looking up at Kaelie as she cleaned off his face.

“Well, that seemed to work.” She smiled a bit, placing her hand on top of his head. The fae pulled away from him, setting the dirty napkin on the table. “What was that about?”

“What do you mean?”

Kaelie made a sound of disbelief. “You don’t remember? You were just in zombie-mode, Simon. I took your phone and called Jace, by the way.” She handed him his phone and pressed the back of her wrist to his forehead. “You’re a little feverish.”

“You called Jace?” Simon’s eyes widened and he returned his cell phone to his pocket. “Why would you call Jace?”

“Well, aren’t you two you together?”

He jerked away from her. “Excuse me?”

“You know, dating? You Nephilim still call it that, right?” She made a motion with her hand. “Oh, whatever. Now, what do you want to eat?”

“Um, _no_. We’re not dating. _Yes,_ we still call it that.” He paused and let his hands fall to his lap. Then, he glanced down at the menu on the table. “Do you have any sushi?”

“If you say so.” She muttered. Kaelie pulled out her notepad and jotted down his request. “Yeah, we have sushi. I’ll bring you a spicy tuna roll. Here’s your coffee.”

Carefully, she poured the coffee into a mug that had been placed on the table before walking away. Simon took his glasses off and cleaned them on his shirt before sighing. He hadn’t noticed until now, but he was covered in sweat. Again. It was sort of disgusting, really. Maybe he should just walk around shirtless everywhere from now on. At the thought of that, Simon bit into his hand to hold back a laugh.

The lack of sleep was getting to him, which showed clearly in his line of thought. What had gotten into him? Really, walking around shirtless? This was getting a little ridiculous. He rubbed his temples, trying to clear his head a little. Simon picked up his coffee and took a sip. It was bitter, and he hated it, but it woke him up. He had never been one for black coffee, although he often drank it that way. He found it gave him a slight burst of life to help clear his head.

A ringing sound caused him to look up at the door, snapping from his thoughts. From across the diner, he locked gazes with Jace. The other Shadowhunter’s face held a deathly stare as he made his way to Simon. The only thing Simon could think was, _Oh, shit_ and in a flash of blonde and black, he found himself out of his seat and slammed against the wall by his collar.

Jace leaned in; inches from Simon’s face, and hissed through gritted teeth. “What the _fuck_ were you thinking?”

The gazes of the other clients in the diner burned in Simon’s mind, but he paid them no heed. His hands reached out and grabbed onto Jace’s collar, his arms still remaining in the box Jace had him in. “I was thinking I want to be alone and have some peace and quiet. _Away from those psychopath girls._ ”

“Then you should have said something before you left!” Jace snarled.

“I did!” A growl tore from the brunette’s throat. “I texted you too, so fuck off, Herondale.”

“It’s only been two days, Lewis.” Jace’s breath was warm in his ear and he had to fight back a blush. It wouldn’t have been as embarrassing before, but Kaelie had to open her mouth and make things weird. “We’re supposed to keep an eye on you. If things get worse, _which they have_ , we’ll have no choice except to contact the Clave.”

“I can take care of myself.” Simon’s voice came out sharp and clipped. “Let me go.”

The scowl on Jace’s face only darkened. “Do you know what they’ll do to you? To Clary?” A short breath escaped the brunette as he was slammed against the wall again. “This isn’t something that you can just get a slap in the wrist and be done with. If there is something wrong with you, they will do the worst thing imaginable. The Clave will sever your _parabatai_ bond, Simon.”

Panic shot through him as quick as lightning. His hands fell from where he had been holding Jace’s collar and all of the color drained from his face. “Why would they…?”

“Why?” Finally, the blonde released him. Instead, he placed his hands on Simon’s shoulders and his gaze softened. “If they think something is wrong with you, they won’t want it to affect Clary, especially not with the skills she possesses. If it’s some kind of disease, or mental state, it could affect her.”

Simon allowed himself to be guided back to the table he had been at. If he had known it would be this serious, he could have prevented the pain that Clary would receive if there was a problem. He would have never said yes to becoming her _parabatai._ It would have solved the issue of her going through the pain of having their bond severed.

“It isn’t hastily jumped into. This has been a pattern though. Almost five years’ worth of nightmares with the same theme? That’s too uncanny for the Clave to only sit idly by.”

“I didn’t even realize that-”

Simon’s thoughts were cut short by a plate being set on the table and Kaelie smiling at the two of them. “I see you two made nice.” she leaned down and whispered in Simon’s ear. “If you aren’t together, I suggest claiming him if you’re interested. That is, before I do.”

Pink flowing into his cheeks, he jerked away from her. “Wh-What’s that supposed to mean?”

The fae winked at him. “Exactly what it sounded like. Now, there’s your spicy tuna roll. I’ll be back with more coffee in a bit.” She turned to face away from him, putting a hand on her hip. She looked at Jace. “You want anything, hot stuff? I’ve got a cup of coffee with your name on it.”

“Fine.” Jace nodded, glancing her way as she left. He seemed unaffected by the nickname. After she walked away, he kept his eyes on Simon. “You’re now on the same scale as a two year old mundane.”

The brunette Shadowhunter looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Excuse me?”

“Constantly needing supervision. You seem to be fine when you’re not left alone.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I cannot believe you just compared me to a two year old.”

With a grin, Jace asked, “Would you rather I said that you have to be watched like a teenage boy watching a porn star?”

“You do realize you are, in fact, a teenage boy?” Simon quirked an eyebrow at Jace and his expression filled with amusement as the color returned to his face. It took him a moment to realize what Jace was doing, but when he did, it made him smile.

“Ah, but you see, I am excluded from that group. I’m far more superior to mundane teenagers.” The smug expression on the blonde’s face made Simon snort.

“So, you’re saying you don’t watch porn?” He picked up a piece of sushi between his fingers and took a bite, cupping his other hand beneath it in case anything fell. When he glanced up from his sushi, he saw Jace staring at him with his eyebrows pressed together in the center of his face. “What?”

“You don’t like fish.” The sentence came out slowly, as though Jace was watching every word he said, making sure that it was correct.

Simon looked at the half-eaten spicy tuna roll in his hand, then back up at the Shadowhunter across from him. He shrugged. “I thought it was strange too. I was trying to find something to eat back at the Institute, but all that really sounded appetizing was fish. That’s why I came here in the first place.”

The expression on Jace’s face wasn’t pleasant. He held out his hand. “Give me your cell phone.”

“No.” Scrunching up his nose, Simon ate the last bite of one of his pieces of sushi. Through a mouthful of fish, he said, “Use your own.”

“By the Angel, must you eat in such a vulgar way?” he sighed, exasperated and rubbed his temples with his other hand. “And I can’t use my own. I left it behind at the Institute by accident after receiving an urgent call from Kaelie telling me that something was very wrong with you. Without a doubt, I agree with her.” Jace made a motion with his hand. “Give it to me. I’m going to call your sister.”

As Simon fished through his pockets for his cell phone, Kaelie stopped by and gave Jace his coffee. He didn’t pay attention to their useless chatter until he caught the waitress passing a comment about how he was a good kisser. His eyes widened and his phone slipped from his hand and under the table. He swore and moved out from his seat to get it.

“Don’t have too much fun down there, Simon.” A choking sound escaped his mouth at the innuendo made by the waitress. Hurriedly, he grabbed onto his phone as his face flamed in color. In a quick, sloppy way, Simon rushed back up to his seat and cleared his throat awkwardly.

Jace didn’t look at him at the moment, only looking at Kaelie with a smirk. “He didn’t have anywhere near enough fun down there, if you ask me.”

Simon stood instantly and with a face as red as Clary’s hair, he slammed his phone on the table. “Here’s the goddamn phone!”

He sat back down when they both turned his way with matching grins. Jace took the phone on the table and Kaelie bid them farewell, saying she had to get back to work. Simon went back to his sushi, attempting to hide the blush on his face as Jace called his sister. Halfway through his third tuna roll, he froze. Simon pulled the sushi away from his mouth, eyeing it carefully. He set it carefully on his plate.

The pressure of Jace’s gaze on him caused him to look up. Jace had a raised eyebrow. As the call was still connecting, he asked. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t like fish.” Simon said slowly, trying to make sure each word registered in his own mind. His voice sounded horrified even in his own voice. “I hate fish.”

“I know.”

“Why did I want fish…?” The realization that he despised fish had slammed into him like a bus. He tilted his head to the side, studying the sushi on his plate. He took his mug of coffee and took a sip to get rid of the fish taste in his mouth. Disgusting. Why the hell had he wanted fish in the first place?

After a moment of his pondering and watching Jace drum his fingers on the table impatiently, the older Shadowhunter began to speak into the phone. “Becky, it’s Jace."

There was a pause and Simon could hear muffled talking coming from his phone. The tone he picked up was worried, though, he couldn’t make out what his sister was saying. With a sigh, Jace continued. “He’s fine. For now. If I don’t strangle him for being an absolute idiot.”

The one-sided conversation was grating on Simon’s nerves, but he didn’t say anything. He was curious as to what Becky was saying and he was more likely to find out if he remained quiet. Jace groaned and stood up from the table. He looked Simon in the eye and pointed at him. “Stay here.”

“Make me. I’m not a dog you can order around.” The challenge in his voice was clear, he dared the other to say something back to start an argument. Although, Jace only rolled his eyes and walked out the front door of Taki’s, the bell ringing as he opened the door. Simon huffed and crossed his arms over his chest at the reaction.

He stared down at his sushi until he noticed someone sliding into the seat across from him. He glanced up and saw Kaelie. She grinned at him. “You’re acting a bit strange today, Si-guy. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Kaelie.” He looked back down at his sushi. “Can I get something to put this in?”

“Do you not like it?” She scrunched her nose. “I had the chef make it especially for you.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I just don’t have much of an appetite right now.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll go get that box for you then.” The waitress stood up from table and went off to the kitchen. He didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about lying to her. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the tuna rolls, if anything it was the opposite. He had enjoyed it, but at the same time, he’d hated it. It was almost as though his sense of taste was conflicted. At one moment, he had hated the sushi, and the next, he had loved it. There had been no in-between.

Moments later, Kaelie dropped his box off at the table as she was carrying a tray to deliver to a different table. Simon put the sushi in the box, humming quietly to himself. He closed the box and observed the diner as he waited for Jace. It wasn’t crowded. There were probably eight people inside the diner. Most appeared to be fae, or vampires. That didn’t bother him in the slightest. He had adapted to being around the Downworlders, especially since at one point, he had been one of them.

As he took his time to scan the diner, he caught gaze with Kaelie. The waitress had frozen in the middle of delivering a meal and turned to stare at him. Knitting his eyebrows together, he examined the restaurant again. He found that all of the customers inside it were either staring directly at him, or looking at him out of the corner of their eyes. Quickly, he searched for his wallet. He took it out of his back pocket and left enough money to cover the sushi, both cups of coffee, and a tip. He slipped his wallet back into the pocket on his jeans and stood from the table, grabbing his to-go box. Simon walked to the door, keeping eye contact with Kaelie the whole time. When he reached the door, he said. “Bye, Kaelie. I’ll see you next time.”

After that, he all but ran out of Taki’s. He slammed straight into someone’s back. Simon groaned and stepped away. “Hey, watch-” He looked up and saw who it was. “Oh, it’s just you.”

Jace glared at him and covered the speaker portion of the phone. “I thought I told you to stay put.”

“Like I said, I’m not a dog, Jace. Plus, everyone in there was acting weird.” He huffed and began walking. “Come on. Let’s go back to the Institute.”

“You’re going to have-” The blonde moved his hand from the bottom of the phone. “I’m going to have to go beat some common sense and discipline into your brother now, Becky. Tomorrow night works, correct? I’ll have the girls wait outside for you.”

Simon’s cheeks flushed when he heard his sister’s playful goodbye. _“Beat him hard, Jace. He’s far too rebellious. He could use a good spanking.”_

Suddenly, the building across the street was more interesting than anything in the world. He tried to pretend he didn’t hear anything. His fingers tightened around the sushi box in his hands when he caught Jace’s evil grin out of the corner of his eye. “Oh, I will. He won’t be able to walk by the time you see him tomorrow.”

His eyes wide with horror, Simon snapped to face the blonde. Becky’s affirmation was the end of the phone call and Jace tossed him his cell phone. He caught it with his free hand before stuffing it in his pocket. “Can we go back home now?”

“Yeah, but did you really think that I walked here?” The smirk on the blonde Shadowhunter’s face said everything for him.

“No. I’m walking.” Simon shook his head vigorously. “There is no way in hell that I’m riding on that thing with you driving.”

“Well, I’m not letting you walk by yourself. I’ll pick you up if I have to. Or, if you truly are the kinky type, I can carry out what your sister requested.” The way Jace raised his seductively eyebrows caused Simon’s cheeks to flame a bright shade of red.

He walked over to the motorcycle and climbed onto the back of it. “Come on, let’s go, damn it.”

“Good boy.” A shudder ran down his spine as Jace climbed on the motorcycle in front of him with a smug expression on his face. With a huff, Simon pressed the to-go box in between the blonde’s back and his chest as he wrapped his arms around the other’s middle.

“I hate you. Just thought you should know.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m quite aware.” Flashing a grin over his shoulder, Jace started the motorcycle. As the motorcycle pulled out of the spot where it had been parked, Simon’s gripped around the Shadowhunter tightened. He hated being on this thing. He took every chance to walk or use a car if it meant he didn’t have to ride the motorcycle. He pressed his face into the black leather on Jace’s back, hiding his face from the wind.

Despite the wind, Simon was warm and comfortable. It was surprising because he hated the motorcycle with every fiber of his being. It was slightly ironic as well because the first time that he had truly felt comfortable away from his sister happened to be on something he hated. A laugh almost escaped his mouth at the idea. With his head pressed against Jace’s shoulder, he was relaxed.  He didn’t question it, no matter how strange it was. He didn’t want to push his luck.

With a warm feeling inside and the wind blowing around him, he closed his eyes. His glasses were a bit uncomfortable, but he didn’t mind. He just hoped that he would be able to sleep in peace again someday soon.

~!~

The next thing he knew, Simon was waking up in his bed, being spooned by someone. A soft groan slipped from his lips as he reached up to rub his eyes. He rolled over onto his right side to see who was sleeping beside him, careful not to wake them up. With a smile, he spotted his _parabatai_ who was sleeping peacefully. Carefully, he lifted her arm from his side and set it back on the bed. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Cautiously, he slipped out from underneath the sheets and searched for his glasses. He found them on the nightstand and put them on. His blurred vision cleared. Simon looked down at himself and realized he had been changed into pajamas that consisted of white pants with baby blue stripes and a matching button up. With a yawn, he left his room and grabbed his stele on the way out. After a growl that came from his stomach, he relented to head downstairs to the kitchen.

As Simon passed through the hallways, a raw ache grew in his throat. He had probably been asleep for several hours. He had always done his best to stay hydrated, especially since had Ascended, but it was often difficult. He began to hum softly, but stopped as he got closer to the kitchen when he heard voices. He pressed himself against the wall to get a better grasp on what they were saying.

“Of course not, Alec, but I really think we should do something.” That was Isabelle’s voice. Simon pulled out his stele and rolled up the sleeve of his pajama shirt on his left arm. In smooth, quick motions, he drew a soundless rune on the skin. With the other side of the wall being the kitchen, he couldn’t afford to get caught. He tucked his stele back into the waistband of his pants and let his sleeve fall back down over his arm.

Simon’s teeth dug into his lower lip as he eavesdropped on the conversation. He shouldn’t be listening in, but they were discussing him and they certainly wouldn’t say any of this to his face. This was probably his only chance to hear what they really had to say about the matter.

“And, he has this strange mark on the back of his left leg.” At Isabelle’s comment, Simon’s fingers absentmindedly brushed across the spot that Clary had pointed out earlier. “It wasn’t a Rune, but he seemed to think it was. It was... It almost looked like someone had written on his leg. He couldn’t have done it himself because of the location, but it was definitely not a Rune.”

There was a soft huff. “That’s a new one. Although at Taki’s, when I was on the phone with Becky and he was supposed to be sitting inside, he practically sprinted out. He slammed right into me. I’m uncertain of what happened, but Simon looked like he had seen a ghost.”

“Did you call Kaelie? To see what she had to say about what happened when you weren’t there?” Alec’s focused tone filled his ears. He could almost see Alec leaning back against the island in the center of the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest and face angled towards the floor.

“Yeah, I did. About an hour ago. She said she had taken his coffee order and he was fine, but when she came back to give him his coffee, he was completely dazed. He was having a panic attack, that’s what Kaelie said. The only thing that had snapped him out of it was when she had kissed him with coffee in her mouth.” Jace retold the story of what had happened at the diner. Simon let himself slide down the wall into a sitting position as he listened to the discussion. “I got there a few minutes later because she had called me from his phone. He was eating sushi when I got there-”

“Sushi?” Isabelle interrupted. “But Simon hates fish.”

“Exactly.” Alec stated. “That alone is proof that something is wrong. I called Becky again and she told me that ever since Simon was a child he’s had an aversion to any form of fish. For him to suddenly start craving it, something is definitely strange.”

Jace cleared his throat. “ _Anyways_ , it gets worse. Kaelie told me that before he _fled_ the diner, he was humming. She said that the sound filled her ears and she thought it was beautiful. She looked at him, and he caught her gaze from across the room. _Everyone_ had been staring at him.”

Alec sighed. The words started to mesh together in Simon’s ears, making it more difficult to listen. “I can call Magnus and see what he can piece together from it. We can’t put off calling the Clave much longer though. We need to set a time limit. If it gets worse within a month, I don’t care how either of you protest, I _will_ inform the Clave. For his sake, and for Clary’s. It’s our last resort.”

After that, Simon found he couldn’t pay attention to much the trio. A pain in his chest had broken his concentration. A soft, strangled noise came from his mouth and his hand flew to his chest. He caught a glimpse of Clary at the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and arched his back off of the wall. The vague sound of her crying out his name in panic filled his ears. It was followed by the sound of a slamming door and a cold hand on his forehead.

He was embraced in a gentle pair of arms and his chest rattled with coughs. He was shifted to lean backwards against someone’s chest and an arm cradled his head. A cup of water was pressed to his lips and he swallowed it down. The coughing stopped, though the pain in his chest did not. Simon attempted to curl in on himself, but was held firm in a position that he knew would allow him to breathe better.

A soft voice filled his ear, whispering words that he couldn’t understand. Although he didn’t know what they were, the words brought him comfort. Fingers combed through his hair as a whimper of pain escaped his lips. Silent pleas for the ricocheting agony in his chest to dissipate. Itching sensations crawled throughout his body and washed over his skin. They crept down his spine and into his toes. The slickness of his sweat followed the itch wherever it went and the only sound that Simon could hear was his own gasps for air.

Desperate for relief, he threw out his arms to grab something, anything. His fingers wrapped around someone’s lower arm and he held on tightly, using it to anchor himself. After what felt like hours, Simon jolted upright and his eyes flew open. He was still holding onto someone’s wrist, but he was also looking into their eyes. It took him a moment, but he realized that it was Jace. With his free hand, the blonde motioned everyone else away from him. Waves of dizziness rolled across Simon and a firm arm wrapped around his back. He leaned forward, finding he couldn’t hold his head up anymore. His forehead landed on Jace’s shoulder.

“Simon,” the warm voice rang in his ears. “Can you stand?”

The only response he could muster was an incomprehensible sound. Jace swore. “Call Becky. She needs to be here.”

Simon made a soft groan. “B’cky?”

“That’s right, Simon.” Clary’s hand was gentle in his hair, brushing through the damp locks. “Becky is going to come over.”

Slowly, Simon was shifted into a crouching position. There was an attempt to help him to his feet, but halfway up his legs buckled and they sank back to the floor. The arm Jace had wrapped around his lower back pulled him in tighter and shook Simon’s hand free from his wrist, sending him into momentary panic. He was shushed and his arm was guided to wrap around Jace’s neck. The arm he’d been grasping tucked up underneath his knees. In a swift motion, he was off the floor, being carried bridal-style. It registered in the back of his mind that he would probably never hear the end of this, but he was too tired to think about that. Plus, Jace’s warmth was already lulling to sleep.

The next thing he was aware of was a few minutes later, was that he was being placed on a bed. He was tucked in and his glasses were removed from his face. Though, he was exhausted and couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes. Weight shifted off of the bed, his hand shot out and ended up grabbing the bottom of the shirt of the person who was there. A sleepy murmur escaped his mouth, “Don’t leave me alone…”

There was a sigh and a hand ran through his hair. “I suppose I can stay this time.”

The weight settled back on the bed, sitting next to him. Simon released the shirt and curled up against the person on the bed. The gentle tug of the fingers in his hair and quiet humming pulled him into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Am I losing my mind? (Never let me go)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so much positive feedback on the last chapter that I decided to post the next one today!
> 
> I forgot to mention, but the title from the first chapter is from Troye Sivan's "for him". And the title from this chapter is from Alan Walker's "Alone". Enjoy!

Alec was exhausted. He had been up three nights in a row with no sleep trying to figure out what was going on with Simon, but to no avail. His last resort was turning to Magnus with his problems because that was what has caused problems in their relationship before, but this time, he didn’t have much of a choice.

With hesitance, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it. He sighed and dialed the number. He had told his siblings he would, and he would keep his word. He lifted the phone to his ear, drumming his fingers on his leg. “ _Alec? It’s rather late for you to be calling. Is everything all right?"_

“Not quite.” He sighed and played with the single tear in his jeans which rested next to his knee. “We have a bit of a problem, and I hate to come to you for favors,” _Again._ “but we’re out of options.”

 _"What’s going on?_ ” The sound of his boyfriend’s voice brought him a surprising amount of comfort and lured some of the tension to drip out of his shoulders.

Alec glanced towards the door to his bedroom, silently begging that no one would come in. He didn’t want to be interrupted. It’s not like he and Magnus would have phone sex or anything, but it was relieving to be able to talk to the warlock in private. “Something’s wrong with Simon. It’s pretty serious.”

_“Are you sure it’s not just withdrawal from not being able to have access to his television shows?”_

Shaking his head, Alec sighed again. “No. It’s definitely not. Though, we all wish it was that easy. He’s been getting severe and repetitive nightmares. They all share the same theme.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line and a sound of a pen scratching against paper. _“What theme, Alexander?”_

“Water.” There was a shattering sound and a pen scratching against paper. Alec’s shoulders stiffened. A bit of panic edged into his voice, but he tried to remain as calm as he could. “Magnus? What happened?”

 _"_ _It was just the Chairman,”_ Magnus sighed. _“He broke my new coffee mug.”_ A sound of relief pressed through Alec’s lips before he could stop it, causing the warlock to chuckle. _"Y_ _ou’re tense and it makes you jumpy. You should really relieve some of that stress.”_

Pink danced across his cheeks and Alec cleared his throat. “Not right now, Magnus. There are other things to be worrying about, more important things.”

There was a soft clicking sound and it took Alec a moment to figure out that it was Magnus clicking his tongue at him. _“We’ll discuss that comment in the morning, sweetheart. Don’t try to talk your way out of it either.”_

Before Alec could even breathe out a word of protest, Magnus had continued on with their conversation. _“Now, was that it? Only water?”_

“Well, that I can tell. Simon doesn’t really like to talk about it. Almost every time he does, he has some sort of anxiety attack. Sometimes it’s almost like he’s drowning.” Alec stood from where he’d been sitting on his bed and began to pace the room. “None of this is making any sense. I don’t understand how he’s still standing after all of this. By the Angel, Magnus, you should have seen him two days ago after his most recent nightmare.” He shook his head. “He looked ready to kill himself.”

He sighed at Magnus’ silence and forced himself to sit. He rested his free hand on his lap before lying on his back. “I’m the new acting head of the Institute, and I’m supposed to know what to do, but I don’t. I don’t know what I should say, if I should tell the Clave, and how to deal with this. I should. I should be prepared, but I’m not. And that freaks me out.”

 _“Alexander,”_ Magnus’ voice was soft. _“You are doing everything you can. You aren’t even twenty yet. You don’t have to be completely prepared; there are people who are willing to help you through this, including myself. You may believe that you aren’t suited to the position, or are inferior and worthless to the Clave, but you are not. I assure you. Without you, the Clave wouldn’t have anyone to run the Institute. Do you understand?”_

Alec let the words wash over him and took a deep breath. He nodded, though he was aware his boyfriend couldn’t see it. That had been what he needed to hear at the moment. “Yeah. Thanks, Magnus.”

 _“You’re welcome, sweetpea.”_ his voice still held the gentle tone before returning to normal. _“Now, I’ll drop by in the morning, and we can talk then. All right? Until then, you need to stay calm and get some rest. If you can’t sleep, go watch late night television.”_

“Okay. Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hesitated a moment and then added, “Magnus, I love you.”

There was a quiet chuckle from the other end of the line. _“I know, and I love you too. Goodnight, Alexander. Go get some rest._ ”

He listened to the dead air for a moment after the warlock had hung up the phone. He hung up as well and set the phone on his nightstand. Alec stood and walked over to his dresser. He opened the drawer on the far left and pulled out a shirt that belonged to Magnus. He rummaged around and found an old pair of sweatpants as well. After double-checking that his door was shut, he changed into them. The loose clothing was comfortable to sleep in. He didn’t often wear this particular set to bed, in fact, he almost never did. He grabbed his phone and left the room, flicking the lights off as he went. Alec navigated his way down into what they now called ‘the living room.’ It was really just a room adjacent to the kitchen. There wasn’t a wall between the kitchen and the living room and they’d already had a table parallel to the island, so they had put in a sofa and a loveseat. Now, they had a sofa, loveseat, recliner, an end table, television, DVD player, a bookshelf specifically for movies and shows.

It was a family room, where they all would stay after a long day, or relax after training. Most of the time, they didn’t even watch the television. The group would just sit and talk, or joke. Simon and Clary had even purchased a fair amount of board games for them all to play as well. They all had their favorite shows, movies, and games, but agreed to take turns picking. That was what made it fun.

Alec used his phone as a light, not wanting to wake anyone up. He walked over to the sofa and took a seat. After, he picked up the remote off of the end table. He pressed the power button and turned down the volume, keeping it as low as he could, but still being able to hear it. He actually didn’t like watching television all that much, but there were a few shows he liked to watch. The show that was currently on, he didn’t mind. It was an old rerun of Simon’s favorite show, _Supernatural._

It was fun to criticize the show on what they were doing wrong whilst hunting and he didn’t mind that almost the entire cast was attractive guys. The show itself could be entertaining and enjoyable to watch. Though, Alec tried not to watch it often because he was aware that it could warp the knowledge about monsters and demons that he already possessed. Instead, he would watch mindless television shows. Something like _The Tonight_ _Show With_ \- what was his name? Jamie Hallen? Jimmy Hallen? Jimmy Fallon? That’s it, Jimmy Fallon- _Jimmy Fallon,_ or _Saturday Night Live._

Grabbing a blanket off of the other side of the couch, he shifted to make himself comfortable. In the end, he was laying on his right side, facing the television and his head pillowed against the blanket. His right arm was underneath the blanket, bent slightly to allow his head to rest in a better position. His legs were curled in and his knees were about level with his hips. The blanket was in a thick line that went from his ankles, through his legs, and up to under his head. Carelessly, his left arm draped over his side as he watched the television.

It was one of his favorite positions to lay in, though he wouldn’t admit it to the other Shadowhunters. Magnus was well aware, seeing as it was one of the more popular ways the two would lay. Of course, Magnus would lay behind him, draping his arm over Alec’s and snugly press his chest to Alec’s back. Magnus would also rest his chin on top of Alec’s head, which seemed to be Alec’s favorite thing about the position. Not many people were much taller than Alec, and it wasn’t that he was extremely tall, he was simply taller than most. But where he and Jace tied in height, Magnus was several inches taller.

 _"In the heat of the moment~”_ the music in the show played from the alarm clock and showed Sam waking up again. Alec had seen this episode, but it wasn’t one he minded watching it again. His favorite episodes all included the Trickster. Though, that was probably because the Trickster reminded him a bit of Magnus. He fingered the blankets with a small grin. Magnus had a playful side and was often incredibly mischievous in private, more so in bed. A tinge of heat rose to his cheeks. Their _adventures_ as Magnus so liked to call them, had become just that. Adventurous.

The bright light from the television set flashed and Alec found his eyes sliding shut. He wanted to stay awake, but as he imagined Magnus lying behind him, his eyes couldn’t stay open.

~!~

“Simon, Becky’s here.” A soft voice registered in his ears. Not wanting to get up, he groaned his protests and snuggled into the person holding him. “Simon, you’ve got to get up. Or Isabelle is going to cook breakfast.”

That got him to open his eyes. No way was he letting Isabelle cook. Everything was blurry from his lack of glasses, but he could see well enough to tell he was cuddling with someone. He had his face resting against someone’s chest -it was clearly not one of the girls- and his arms and legs curled in tightly. An arm was draped around his shoulders. He didn’t want to move because of the level of comfort he felt, but Simon raised his arms to rub his eyes. He sat up, letting the arm fall off of his shoulder.

His glasses were handed to him and he slid them on his nose with a yawn. He looked at the person who was now sitting up on the edge of his bed and realized it was Jace. A very shirtless and a much disheveled looking Jace. Simon rolled his shoulders, fighting to turn his attention away from the other Shadowhunter. A blush rose to his face as he climbed out of the bed.

“What happened last night?” Simon asked through another yawn as he crossed over to his dresser to get out some fresh clothes.

There was a sigh from behind him and he pulled out a shirt from his top drawer. “You had another panic attack.”

“Well, that’s just great.” Simon made his way over to his closet and grabbed a pair of jeans. He turned back around to set them on the bed and began to unbutton his shirt. “What does that mean now?”

“I’m not sure.” Jace rubbed his temples. “Alec said that if this goes on for another month, he’s going to call the Clave. For your sake and Clary’s.”

Simon shrugged off the pajama top and tossed it into the laundry hamper in the corner. He held his shirt in his hands for a moment, just staring at Jace. “Yeah. I guess that’s the reasonable thing to do. Honestly though?” He looked away. “I think we should call the Clave now. I mean, it’s clear that I’m not getting any better and I don’t think I will. I don’t want something to happen to Clary because of my problems. It’s part of being  _parabatai_ and I get that, but this, isn’t. This is a whole different level, Jace and I’m not going to put her through that.”

“You’re wrong.” Simon’s gaze snapped back up to meet Jace’s. He opened his mouth to protest, but the blonde raised a hand to silence the words before they came out. “I gather this is difficult for you to understand, seeing as you and Clary haven’t been bonded for more than six months. Clary is supposed to be your platonic soul mate, if you will. You’re _supposed_ to suffer with and for each other, no matter the intensity. I see the reasoning behind going to the Clave now, but I don’t think you should. You haven’t even tried to fix it yet, so you can’t go now. The Clave doesn’t agree with how _parabatai_ think a lot of the time because we believe in almost any circumstance, _parabatai_ first. Clave second. We’ll do everything we can to help you, Simon, but you have to be willing to let us help.”

Simon pulled his shirt on over his head. “Okay.”

“One more thing,” Jace stood, grabbing his own shirt from off of the floor. “You understand why we want to avoid going to the Clave, don’t you?”

He paused in the middle of stepping out of his pajama pants. “Because they’ll sever Clary and I’s bond?”

“Yes. It is the most painful thing any Shadowhunter could ever endure.”

“Oh…” He let his pants fall to the floor along with his gaze. A tense silence filled the room. He was about to say something else, when the door to his room flew open.

“Simon, for Christ’s sake, what’s taking you so long to- Oh.” Becky cut herself off with a grin and a waggle of her eyebrows. “ _Oh._ I see. Nice job nailing a hottie like Jace, Si-guy.”

Heat rushed to Simon’s face as he rushed to tug on his jeans. “Becky! It’s not like that!”

"Uh-huh. Says one of the two half-naked guys in your room.”

Simon groaned. “No, we didn’t- Well, we _did_ sleep together, but we didn’t have sex!”

She sprinted from his room, yelling profanities about what she had seen. With his jeans only one leg on, he hobbled after her. As he ran, he struggled to get his pants on. “Becky! That is not what happened!”

“Izzy, you’ll never guess what I just saw!” His sister yelled as he chased her through the hallways and down the stairs. She rushed into the kitchen and he tripped through the doorway behind her, his pants still only on halfway.

“Becky, for the love of God, that is not what happened!” He exclaimed, pushing himself up from the floor. Instead of standing up and seeing only his sister, he stood up and saw not only Becky and Isabelle, but Clary, Alec, Magnus, and a woman with blue skin. With a sigh and his face turning a brighter shade of red -if that was even possible- he finished pulling on his jeans and sighed. “Damn it, Becky. You could’ve at least told me everyone was in the kitchen.”

His sister only grinned. “Yeah, well, I’m just a bitch that way.”

Clary looked at Simon with a grin that matched Becky’s. “Simon, you look at little disheveled there.”

“So, Becky, what’s this news about Simon and Jace?” Simon turned to face where Isabelle was sitting on the kitchen counter.

“Well, I was going to tell Simon to get his out of bed when I saw a very half-naked Simon and a very half-naked Jace talking in Simon’s room. Their clothes were _all over_ the floor.” Becky’s grin broadened. “Which means that they must have finally taken my suggestions and just fucked already.”

“Becky, I swear to the angels in heaven if you bring up my sex life one more time it will end very painfully for you.” Simon threatened and slammed a fist on the counter. A dull ache settled into his temples. “And that wasn’t what happened! All that happened was I didn’t want to sleep alone so I asked Jace to stay, what’s so wrong with that? I would’ve done it if it were any of you.”

“Then why were you both half naked?”

He combed a hand through his hair and Alec shoved a steaming cup of black coffee into his free hand before patting his shoulder with a reassuring expression. Simon took a sip of the bitter liquid, not caring how hot it was at the moment. “I was getting changed, and for some reason Jace sleeps shirtless. And even if I did sleep with Jace, it’s not your business unless if I tell you!”

That happened to be the moment Jace strode into the kitchen. “Must you all bicker like children? I could hear you from upstairs.”

“Shut up, Jace.” Simon snapped. The dull ache in his head began to spread across his forehead and slowly becoming more prominent. He took a few steps away from the doorway to let Jace through and shook his head. “I don’t want to hear it.”

From the other side of the kitchen, Magnus cleared his throat. “Are you all done now? A dear friend of mine has so graciously decided to come and meet Simon, to see if she can help him. Nephilim, this is Catarina Loss. Catarina, this is the distasteful Herondale boy, Clarissa Fairchild, Rebecca Lewis, Isabelle Lightwood, and you’ve already met Alexander.” He pointed to each of them as he introduced them. “That one over there is Simon.”

Catarina nodded. “I suppose it’s a pleasure.”

Something about the way she spoke felt vaguely familiar to Simon, although he couldn’t put his finger on it. Had they possibly met somewhere before? Maybe they had met at one of Magnus’ parties.

“I don’t intend this to be rude, I’m just genuinely curious, how do you think you can help my brother?” Becky asked.

Simon raised his coffee to his lips as he listened to the group converse. He wasn’t up for talking much right now. The pounding in his head had become too distracting for him to put any effort into conversation. Although, maybe the coffee would help with that.

“The first step is diagnosis. We actually have to figure out what’s wrong with him.” Catarina explained. “Then, we can go from there.”

After that, he couldn’t hear what Becky was saying. Loud, incoherent screams filled his ears and the coffee mug fell from his hand. He was vaguely aware of the mug shattering as his hands flew up to cover his ears. He scrunched himself down to sit leaning against the counter, his hands clamped over his ears. Simon brought his knees up to his chest and he tried to think about other things to silence out the screaming. That only seemed to make it worse though. The screams got louder and louder.

Simon rocked back and forth against the cabinets, begging for it to stop. Somehow, he ended up on his side and laying in the mess of coffee and shattered glass. He clenched his eyes shut as soon as he did he regretted it. All he saw was blood and water. But somehow, he couldn’t open his eyes. “Make it stop. Make it stop, please, someone make it stop.”

“It’s so dark.” He whimpered, chills running down his spine. “It’s cold. It’s cold. They’re screaming. Won’t stop screaming. So much blood. So much…”

A burning hot hand touched his shoulder and he jerked away as an arm wrapped underneath his knees. Another warm, gentle hand touched his hair and he could barely make out vague whisperings through the screams. “Sh… Simon, we have to get the glass out, okay? Alec’s going to carry you to the infirmary.”

He tried to turn his body away as a heat tried to pick him up. “No, too hot.” he choked out, through the cries making their way out of his mouth. “Too hot.”

“Sh, only hot for a minute, Si. It’ll be okay.” He recognized that voice. It was so gentle, so familiar. Images flashed briefly through his mind, over the blood and water, reminding him that the voice belonged to Clary, his _parabatai_.

“Clary…” the sound that came out was a choked sob and the gentle hands touched his face.

“That’s right, Simon. It’s Clary. Sh, it’ll be okay. Talk with me, okay? What is your favorite TV show?” It seemed like too much effort to even think about, but the tone of her voice made him want to. Her hands gently wrapped around his where they clawed at his ears. She didn’t make him pull them away, only held onto them.

“Sam ‘n’ Dean…” He struggled to get out. The burning touch returned again. Simon made to recoil, but Clary held him firm. She talked to him.

“Sam and Dean are the characters; can you tell me the name of the show?” Simon felt the tile disappear beneath him and a soft whining sound escaped his mouth.

“ _S-Supernatural_.”

“Good job, Simon. What’s your sister’s name?”

“B-Becky.” the word came out sounded strangled and choked. He had a hard time getting it out.

“What’s your last name?” Her voice was still gentle and calm.

“I-I don’t… Don’t make me-” his hands tightened over his ears and he attempted to turn away from her, but was faced with a burning heat. When he attempted to turn away from the heat, he was faced with her. “I-I _can’t_.”

A different hand placed itself on his forehead and a different voice filled his ears. “Simon, what’s our last name?”

“No- No- I don’t-” He curled himself together even smaller. Sweat dripped from his face. He missed the cold and wished it would return. It was too hot. Too hot and he couldn’t escape. He couldn’t escape the screams and the voices. It was too much. The screams were growing louder again. The blood came back. So much of it… too much of it…

“It’s okay, Simon.” He was coaxed. “You don’t have to answer that one, it’ll be okay.”

One of the hands left his face. “What’s your band’s name?”

Tightness settled into his chest and he started to cough. “Er-Erik.”

“Erik is in the band, honey. What’s the band name?”

“No, please, I can’t-” He begged. Finally, _finally_ , he was laid down somewhere. Cold hands carefully took the glasses off of his face. The same pair of hands pushed Clary’s away and lifted his hands from his ears. Instead of gripping his ears, he gripped the person who had removed his hands. They were cold. Colder than everyone else. And as soon as they had touched him, the screams had stopped. “C-Colder- You-”

“It’s going to be alright.”

One of the cold hands rested on his collarbone and the other was placed on his chest, holding something. That something was a knife, he hazily realized as the cold metal touched his skin to cut away his shirt. He yelped as hands with the heat of flames touched his back. The cold hands held him still. Sharp objects were being pushed and pulled on inside of him.

An eternity seemed to end before they were finally done. The cold person assisted him to sit and pressed something to his lips. Water brushed his lips before it clicked that a cup was pressed to his mouth. Slowly, he drank the water that was given to him and leaned into the hand cupping his neck.

Tightness wrapped around his arms and abdomen, but it wasn’t unbearable. He was laid back down and his head was placed onto a pillow. After a few moments, he opened his eyes with a soft moan of effort. When he did, he was looking up at Magnus, Jace, Clary, and Catarina. Catarina brushed her fingers along his forehead, murmuring something to herself. She turned to look over her shoulder at someone behind her. “You haven’t contacted the Clave?”

“No. We wanted to see what we could do here first.” A voice -he wasn’t sure, but he thought it was Alec’s- responded.

“Good.” There was a flash of green coming from above his eyes. “I cast a spell that should lower his fever over the next hour or two. I would recommend Simon staying with someone with the skills of magical expertise. He could stay at the hospital with me, but I would much rather he be comfortable at the place he considers home. It could be greatly beneficial if this is a mental issue.”

“Okay,” Becky chimed in. “But what can we do now?”

“Try to get him to talk about what he’s seeing, but also don’t let him have another attack.” Catarina turned to Becky. “From what I saw, he responded best to his _parabatai_ , you, and the Herondale boy.” There was a pause. “ _Do not_ use any runes right now. His state is very delicate, the slightest change could throw him into disarray.”

 Jace rolled his eyes. “The Herondale boy does indeed have a name, in case you’d care to use it.”

Catarina ignored him. “I’ll spend the next few days to myself, and give Magnus the information he needs to provide his assistance.” She turned to the warlock. “Come now, we must discuss the spells I’d recommend for this situation and if you’re going to stay with the boy or not.” 

~!~

The Shadowhunters watched the two warlocks leave the room. Clary sighed and sat down in the chair next to Simon. She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms snugly around them. Isabelle placed a hand on her shoulder and she leaned into the touch.

“You think he’ll be okay?” she murmured. When she spoke, Simon’s gaze slid to her, but his eyes were glassy.

“I wish I could say that I do think so, Clary.” Isabelle replied softly. “But the truth is that I’m not sure.”

Clary bit her lip and closed her eyes. Isabelle’s wrapped her arms around Clary’s shoulders. She leaned forward into them and whispered, “That’s what I was afraid of.”

“No matter what happens we’ll make sure that everything turns out okay, though. We’re going to do everything we can to help him, I promise.”

“I know.” Clary opened her eyes again to look over Isabelle’s shoulder at Simon, whose eyes were slowly slipping closed. “It’s just, I’ve known Simon almost my whole life and to see him like this… He’s not Simon anymore. He’s different. He’s nonsensical almost all the time now and- and I-”

Isabelle gently swiped her thumb across Clary’s cheeks, collecting tears that she hadn’t noticed running out. “I don’t know what to do, Izzy, and I feel so helpless. I’ve never felt so useless.”

“Hey now,” Isabelle frowned, tipping Clary’s head to align their gaze. “You listen to me, Clary Fairchild, you are anything _but_ helpless. In case you didn’t notice, you were one of the three people who could calm Simon down. He wouldn’t even let Alec and I touch him! You’re his _parabatai_ and you have a better connection with him than anyone else here. You are not useless, do you understand me?”

Clary offered a small smile. “Yeah. I understand.”

 ~!~

Discussing the spells hadn’t been a lie, but that wasn’t her only intention. Catarina had pulled Magnus to the side to discuss the Lewis boy. She allowed Magnus to lead her to the library and as soon as the door was shut, she grabbed him by the arm and tugged him away from the door.

“Magnus,” a hissing sound escaped through her teeth, which were ground together tight enough to hurt. “There is something devastatingly wrong with that child.”

He sighed. “I know. That’s why I called you. I thought you might be familiar with what is happening to him.”

"You think I would know something of _that_? The only thing I do know that no mere _boy_ should possess an aura like that!” Catarina’s hand flew out to point at the door. “That aura is- is-” Her voice fell to a whisper. “I’ve never seen anything like before. It’s haunting. It’s so dark, but at the same time it’s bright enough to be something holy.” 

Her arm dropped back to her side and she looked up at the other warlock with a slight shake of her head. “Magnus, what _is_ that boy?”

“I’m not certain.” He touched her upper arm. “But I do know one thing.”

“What is it?”

He looked away, his expression becoming distant. “He’s far from human.”


	3. Only Fools Rush In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I really meant to get this out sooner, sorry about the delay! I wanted to thank everyone for all of the positive comments and reviews. I find myself wanting to chat and reply to all of them, but I get nervous that I'll accidentally spoil the story!
> 
> The title for this chapter comes from "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley (but I really enjoy the A*Teens' cover of it!)
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Strong language, and smexy times
> 
> Enjoy~!

_"Magnus.”_ Catarina’s voice echoed through the phone he had placed on the table as he waltzed around the kitchen, preparing breakfast for not only himself, but for the few guests he’d had over the night before.

“Catarina.” He said, in a somewhat mocking tone.

A snarl came from her. _“This is serious.”_

There was a long pause. Magnus set down his knife on the cutting board and rotated to look at his cell phone, waiting for her to continue.

_“I cannot help the boy- Simon.”_

“Why do I feel as though there is a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence?”

She ignored him. _“There is someone who can, an old friend of mine. You and she do not get along.”_

“Darling, I don’t get along with anyone.”

_"I’ve called her and she said she would come to visit, to see if she could help.”_

He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Stalling is just going to anger me, Catarina. Who is it that you invited?”

_"Avaria Song.”_

Magnus was thankful he had nothing in his hands; otherwise he would have dropped it. “Catarina, what have you done?” 

~!~

Becky sat on the kitchen counter of Magnus’ apartment, where she had been one of the few people to stay there the night before. Staring at the half-chopped vegetables on the counter, she sighed. Self-loathing filled her. There was nothing she could do to help Simon, or to help anyone at all. She was simply… mundane. And nothing infuriated her more.

Which meant she had to do what little she could: keep Simon comfortable, bring his things to the Institute, and even just sit next to him. He seemed at the most ease with either herself or Jace by his side. Clary was a great help on that front too. Becky was thankful for the girl, she meant the world to Simon and he meant the world to her. It was obvious through the simple actions Clary took to be absolutely certain that he was as comfortable as could be.

He still hadn’t woken up though. That made it feel even worse.

She pursed her lips. She needed to stop thinking about this, to think about something else.

“You must be Rebecca,” her distraction came in the form of an unfamiliar young man. He was incredibly attractive, she noted in a heartbeat. His hair was the color of night and his eyes were a stormy blue-gray. His build was trim, but not so much that it was awkward. Bandages were wrapped around both of his wrists. A frown spread across her face, but she met his gaze when he introduced himself. “I’m Gale, Gale King.”

“Rebecca Lewis.” She smiled and offered her hand. He took it, shaking it with a steady grip. “Do you know where Magnus went? I tried to find him, but he kind of disappeared on me.”

After a moment, she realized she was in her pajamas, which consisted of a tank top and a pair of pink shorts with flamingos on them. The feeling of being naked filled her. A flush spread across her cheeks and she crossed her legs, praying that Gale didn’t notice. If he did, he said nothing.

 Gale cracked his knuckles and opened up the refrigerator. “He mentioned something about going to see Catarina.”

“Right.” She nodded, picking at the hem of her shorts. She stared at her fingers before looking up at him. Becky cleared her throat. “And are you, um…?”

“Magic?” He grinned over his shoulder at her. “Yeah.”

“But you seem so…”

“Normal?” Gale’s laugh was a light sound, almost as though it was the wind itself. Her chest swelled at the thought that she had caused him to create such a beautiful noise. “Aren’t we all a little abnormal on the inside, Rebecca?”

Her throat tightened, but when he smiled, the suffocation slipped away. He pulled out a carton of eggs from the fridge. “Now, how do you like your omelet?”

~!~

When Simon woke up, he was alone. His skin also seemed to be trying to tear itself off of his body. Pain shot down his spine as he struggled to sit up. His hands only seemed to hit pillow instead of the bed, causing him to fall back against the mattress. A cry tore from his lips and before he attempted to sit up again, he looked down at himself. His chest was wrapped in gauze. Oh.

All he could remember was screams, so many screams. Simon’s breathing hitched in his chest. He patted around on his glasses, only to find them on the nightstand. After he put on his glasses, he took a few deep breaths. Opening one of the drawers of the nightstand, he found a gray t-shirt and pair of jeans. With careful motions, he put them on. Every so often, he winced and had to pause, but he was able to do it alone in the end.

Simon pushed himself off of the bed and hobbled out of the infirmary, keeping his hand pressed against the wall to stabilize himself. It was forever and a lifetime before he actually made it to the kitchen, which was empty. The Institute itself was oddly quiet. He hummed in thought before pushing open the kitchen door and going into the living room.

Jace was sitting on the couch, listening to a radio that he was almost certain Becky had brought over. Simon leaned against the doorway with a slight smile. “Mm. Good song.”

The Shadowhunter turned to look at him, his eyebrows rising slightly. “Oh. You’re awake. That’s good.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” Simon nodded. “It feels good to be on my feet again.”

“You should be in bed though.”

Simon groaned. “Please don’t. I’m tired of being treated like an invalid.”

“You’ve been unconscious for most of it.” Jace pointed out, the corner of his lips quirking.

With a shrug, Simon pushed himself away from the doorway and stepped towards Jace, attempting to hold himself upright without the support of the wall. It failed. He made it all of a step forward with his back straight before he had to double over. “Damn that glass.”

“So, you do remember.” Jace was by his side in seconds, easing him over to the couch.

“Bits and pieces.” He was settled on the couch before Jace joined him, draping his arm over the back of the couch. “It’s better than nothing, though.”

Before he could open his mouth to reply, Simon cut him off. “Dance with me.”

“What?” Jace gave him an expression that read, _What the hell is wrong with you?_

“Don’t give me that look.” He scowled and then sighed, his shoulders dropping. “This… This is just a good song, okay? And I’m tired of being on bedrest all the time. I know I need it, but I also need to relax, right? This will help with that.”

 Jace only shrugged, standing up. “All right, but I’m the one doing the leading. 

Simon laughed and let Jace help him to his feet. “Do you even know how to dance?”

With a sharp -yet somehow gentle- tug from the arm around his waist, Simon was pressed flush against Jace. His hands rested on Jace’s chest and he grinned. “This doesn’t mean a thing.”

 “Oh, I’ll show you dancing, Lovelace.” Jace smirked, leaning in closer to him.

“I’d love to see you try, Herondale.” Simon’s grin only grew as they began to sway to the beat of the music.

Jace took his hand, wrapping his other arm around Simon’s waist. With a slight smile, Simon noted how that was not proper dance posture. He was only doing it to keep them pressed together, to keep Simon upright. After a soft count of three, Jace started the steps of a waltz.

_“Trying hard to reach out, but when I’d try to speak out, felt like no one could hear me~ Wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here~ So I pray, I could breakaway~”_

 “Jace…” Simon murmured, as they spun and moved around the room. In response, the Shadowhunter pulled him closer and touched their foreheads.

 “Really, can’t you ever stop talking, Simon?” The remark was filled with a gentle fondness, something he hadn’t heard from Jace before.

His eyes sank to half-lids and his hand slid from Jace’s shoulder to his jaw. “Want to do something about that?”

With a slight shake of his head, Jace chuckled. “You’re such an idiot.”

 “Hey, I resent-” He was cut off by a pair of lips pressed against his own. Simon shut his eyes at the warmth radiating from Jace. They stopped dancing, hands moving to get closer; together. His hands slipped into Jace’s soft blonde curls as the taste of mangoes filled his mouth. He laughed into the kiss, receiving a soft bite on his lower lip because of it. It was as though Jace had known what he was thinking.

A soft sound that was somewhere in between a gasp and a moan escaped him as Jace’s hand snaked up his shirt. Simon’s fingers tightened on the hair in his hands and he curled into Jace. A fuzzy warm feeling settled into his chest. It was right. This was right. Being with Jace was right, his mind wasn’t racing, he wasn’t scared, and he just _knew_. He knew that things would be okay because he had Jace.

Simon drew away to take a breath of air and when he leaned forward again, Jace stopped him. The breathless look on the other Shadowhunter’s face caused him to grin a little. Jace rubbed his hand down Simon’s side, sighing. “We can’t, Simon. You’re not in the right state of mind and I’m not going to take advantage of that.”

“Excuse me?” His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Jace, I might be ill in some way, shape, or form, but I do know one thing. When I’m with you, my mind is crystal clear. It doesn’t get foggy, I don’t have the nightmares, I’m… me. I’m myself again.

“And you know what?” Simon moved his hand to Jace’s cheek. “I’m not scared anymore. I’ve got you. And you’ve got me. I think… I love you, Jace. It took a while to figure out, but I love you. And I think you love me too. I know you want this as much as I do, if the innuendos at Taki’s are enough to go by.”

Jace leaned down and touched their foreheads. “You mean that?”

“Are you a blonde?”

He chuckled. “Clearly, I’m a brunette.”

"Ha ha, funny.” Simon rolled his eyes and then smiled. “And yeah, I mean that.”

“Hold on tight then, Lovelace.”

A slight gasp escaped from Simon’s mouth as he was lifted up and his legs were curled around Jace’s waist. He pressed their mouths together, curling his fingers into Jace’s hair as the blonde backed them into the wall. He winced a bit at the pressure on his injuries, but pulled Jace back in for a kiss when he moved to ask what was wrong. It was a sloppy kiss, nothing like how romance novels or chick-flicks made them sound. That was what was so _right_ about it; it wasn’t perfect, it was messy, and gross, and most of all, it was real.

He was pulled in closer and held steady by Jace’s hands, which were rocking him against Jace, grinding their hips together. Simon’s moan was swallowed by the kiss, and when he drew away for breath, he rasped, “Bedroom.”

 He was set down on his feet and turns out that they weren’t able to make it far down the hallway before their wandering hands got the best of them and they were up against the wall again, making out. Simon pushed Jace away from him with a breathless grin. After a moment, he went stumbling down the hall, ignoring the slight jolt of pain that went through his back and Jace chased him, both of them laughing.

Jace’s bedroom was the closest, so that was the one they went to. Simon left the door open and threw himself on the bed, beginning to strip off his shirt. As he pulled it over his head, Jace entered the bedroom and shut the door behind them. When he locked the door, Simon’s grin grew. They wouldn’t be leaving this room for a while.

He stood and with shaking fingers, went to work on his jeans. Simon was pushed back onto the bed by a very shirtless Jace, who was absolutely stunning. Jace swatted his hand away and went to work on his jeans for him. They were off in seconds, followed by his boxers. Simon pulled Jace down to kiss him as the Shadowhunter’s fingers roamed his body. All of his moans were lost to Jace’s mouth on his own.

“Damn those gorgeous glasses.” Jace swore at them as they kept blocking them from a better angle in their kiss.

“Then take them off.” Simon grinned up at him. “Wouldn’t want to break them.”

Jace huffed out a breath and was careful in sliding off Simon’s glasses to set them on his nightstand. Simon’s hands brushed down Jace’s abdomen to his waistband, pushing down on it. Jace got the hint and kicked off his jeans and underwear. He pressed himself back against Simon, their naked bodies slotting together, rocking against each other. Their breathless pants and moan filled the air. Simon rested his head in the crook of Jace’s neck, his back arching upwards. He rocked into the other Shadowhunter as Jace fumbled around for something. Then there was a soft click and a finger covered in lube pressed at his entrance. “Oh, _fuck_ that’s cold!”

 Jace chuckled, lowering his head to Simon’s collarbone. He bit at the skin there as he stretched Simon open slowly. It was almost agonizing how slow that Jace went, but it was so _good_. Biting his hand to stifle his moans, Simon leaned into the hands that were working wonders for his body. When Jace removed his fingers from Simon, he looked him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

“Fuck you if you think you can just prep me and leave me high and dry.” Simon snapped. “Of course I’m sure! Just fuck me already.”

There was a breathless laugh. Then, all Simon felt was pain as Jace pushed into him. It wasn’t unbearable, but it most definitely hurt. He was so full. Full of Jace. The thought made him release a shuddering moan. Jace stilled above him when he was in, he brushed his hand down Simon’s side and kissed the skin on his neck distract him from the pain. He took a few deep breaths before nodding, rocking his hips into Jace’s.

As Jace began to thrust into him, Simon bit onto his collarbone, leaving a hickey to match the one Jace had given him. Each thrust brought more pleasure and the pain began to disappear. A rhythm of pace began to settle in and his breathing came in shallow little rasps. His toes curled and he clutched at the sheets on the bed. “Jace, I- I need-”

Before he could finish he plea for help, Jace was reaching his hand down between them to stroke him. The smell of sweat, sex, and Jace filled his nose. And _Ohmygod, I’m having sex with Jace_ was the thought that sent him over the edge. His back arched up off of the bed with a cry of Jace’s name.

As Simon was caught in the afterglow of his orgasm, Jace rode out his own climax inside of Simon. “By the Angel, _Simon,_ ”

After, Jace pulled out and fell flat onto the bed beside him. Several minutes of hazy post-orgasm glow passed and a churning filled Simon’s stomach as his mind started to clear. “Was this really okay?”

“What are you talking about? The sex was fantastic.” Jace wiped the sweat off of his forehead, leaning against the pillows.

“That’s not what I meant.” Simon shook his head. “I meant, you know, _us._ ”

Jace stared at him. “Are you seriously asking that?”

“Well, I just-”

“No.” Jace cut him off. “You got to speak earlier. Now, it’s my turn.”

Simon nodded slowly, making a small gesture for him to continue.

“You were the one who said you loved me and that I love you. You didn’t even let me say that myself. And if that speech you gave me earlier was true, then this is completely right, Simon.” Jace pulled Simon against him. “We’re going to figure this out, and we’re going to be just fine. We’ll take it one step at a time. And you know what our step is now?”

“What?” Simon raised an eyebrow, meeting his gaze.

Jace smirked. “Taking a shower. And then a nap.”

~!~

“The last time you snuck out on me you were seventeen. I didn’t think I’d have to deal with that again, to be honest.”

Gale turned around from position at the door with a wolfish grin. He dropped his bag to the ground and walked over to Magnus. “I was sixteen, actually.” He clasped the warlock’s arm, in a typical knight-style handshake. “It was good to see you again, Magnus.”

“Leaving before your mother finds out you’re in New York?”

“Something like that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But this won’t be the last you hear of me.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I got the phone number of one Rebecca Lewis.” Gale nodded with the grin of man who’d gotten laid. “I have a feeling you’ll be seeing me again soon.”

 “I should hope so. You haven’t finished your job here yet, have you?”

“No, not even close.” Gale sighed. “It’s more difficult than I had previously thought, but I seem to be making some progress.”

Magnus nodded and shook the hand Gale extended. The younger warlock turned back to the door, picking up his bag. “See you in a few weeks, Magnus.”

~!~

When she had politely knocked on the door and received no answer, she blew it open with a gust of wind. Picking up her bag off of the doorstep, the warlock stepped inside the Institute. It was different than how she remembered it. The paint was a simple shade of beige, where it had once been a stunning shade of blue. She traced her fingers along the walls as she walked, recalling the portraits that had once been hanging there.

The Manhattan Institute had always been one of her favorites.

She’d had many an affairs here, romantic and political. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she smiled. Her hair was still the same shade of mahogany it’d been when she was young, her eyes were still the same blue, and her warlock mark was still the same. Her fingers brushed along the small red waves above her left eye. With a simple movement, her hair covered the markings. She drew away from the mirror, her eyes surveying her surroundings.

“Avaria _vis melistra_ ,” A soft, awestruck voice greeted her. She turned to spot Catarina Loss bowing in front of her.

“What beautiful honorifics, Catarina.” She motioned with her hand for the young warlock to rise. “It’s been quite some time since I have heard them used correctly. I thank you for them, but they’re completely unnecessary.”

“Of course.” Catarina nodded.

She looked around again. “Where is the High Warlock? Surely, Magnus wouldn’t be avoiding me, would he? Although, after Peru, I can’t quite say I would blame him if he was.”

“He’s at his apartment, _melistra_. He’ll be returning shortly.”

“And the head of the Institute?”

“Alexander Lightwood. He is currently assisting Magnus in transporting a few belongings.”

“I see.” Avaria straightened out her skirt. “Who will be acting as the head of the Institute in his absence?”

“That would be Jonathan Herondale or Isabelle Lightwood.”

“Are either of them here?”

“Yes, _melistra_. Shall I retrieve them for you?”

Avaria shook her head. “No, that’s quite fine. I have to call my children and let them know I’ve arrived.” She pulled out her cell phone. “And Catarina, dear?”

“Yes?”

“Please, I might be your _melistra_ , but the honorifics aren’t needed, darling.” She smiled and walked into one of the rooms that branched off of the hallway to make a phone call.

~!~

As soon as Avaria was out of earshot, Catarina whipped out her phone and called Magnus. He picked up on the second ring. “She’s here, Magnus.”

That was all she said before hanging up and sliding her phone back into her jeans. They could not screw this up. Here in the Institute was one of the oldest warlocks alive, so old that she could still verbally speak Chthonian. If they pissed her off, they would be dead in seconds. Oh, joy. Because it wasn’t as though they were in an Institute of teenagers who had a marvelous habit of pissing off everyone and everything.


	4. Oh, the stories we were told (Quite a vision to behold)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some answers for you all! Be sure to let me know what you think of the story telling method in the chapter! Just a note: Both Avaria and Gale are original characters of mine, but I plan on keeping their appearances as minimal as possible in this story. I'm actually kinda nervous about introducing them, not many people take OCs well. :/
> 
> The title for this chapter comes from Blackmore's Night "Loreley". 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: language and mentions of sex
> 
> Be sure to hit me up on tumblr as well: shimmeringswift.tumblr.com and enjoy this chapter!

“Magnus Bane.”

“ _Melistra_ Song.”

The two warlocks exchanged mutual head bows of respect. Avaria turned to the shadow hunter by his side. “You must be Alexander Lightwood.”

“Yes, that’s me.” Alec nodded. He paused for a moment, biting his lower lip. “Do you mind if I ask how to address you? From my understanding, you are held with high respect, and I wouldn’t want to be disrespectful.”

She had a pleasant laugh, Alec noticed. “You are a sweet young man, and asking alone is enough respect. Just Avaria is fine, or if you feel you need an honorific, you can use Miss, or Mistress. Both are fine.”

“Thank you, Mistress Avaria.” Alec dipped his head. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

“No, thank you. I’m all right.”

“Alec! Do you know where Simon is? He’s not in his room. I thought maybe that he had come to get some food but I don’t-” Becky burst into the kitchen with a panicked expression on her face. Alec stood up from his seat at the table and crossed the room, taking her hands in his to still her panic.

“Take a deep breath, Becks.” He did the action himself, getting her to mimic it. When her breathing had settled, he let go of her hands. “He’s probably with Jace or Clary. Did you check in their rooms?”

She nodded. “He’s not with Clary, but Isabelle is. I forgot to check Jace’s room, though.”

“Remember, he might still be asleep.” Alec shrugged. “He’s fine. Both Magnus and Catarina cast wards to alert them if he was to leave the Institute. Why don’t you go get some sleep yourself? You look tired.”

Becky hugged him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He pulled away. “Now, go sleep or I will send you home.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going.” She put her hands up defensively and left the room.

After she was gone, Avaria looked at him. “I don’t mean to pry, but are you two in a relationship?”

“Becky and I?” His eyes widened and he laughed. “No, ma’am. Becky is Simon’s older sister. We’re very good friends.” He looked to Magnus, who he found was watching him and smiled. Alec sat back down and placed his hand over Magnus’. “I’m in a relationship with Magnus.”

"Oh.” She smiled. “I see.”

After a short silence, Catarina looked over at the warlock. “How long has it been since we’ve seen each other last, _melistra_ Song?”

"The last time I saw you, Catarina, was during the revolution, wasn’t it? And as for Magnus, we probably saw each other last was…” She trailed off in thought.

“It was the last council meeting at the Spiral Labyrinth.”

“Ah, I remember now. That was when you were forced to leave, wasn’t it?”

Magnus shook his head, and Alec could tell he was fighting a scowl by the way his left brow twitched. This woman struck a nerve in Magnus, and he didn't like it. “That was the one before. The last meeting held I was allowed to stay for.”

She smiled at him sweetly, too sweetly. “Of course, pardon my mistake.”

The door to the kitchen opened before anything else could be said. Simon stumbled into the kitchen in nothing but a shirt and a pair of boxers. But it wasn’t Simon’s shirt, Alec realized. It was Jace’s. Simon rummaged about the kitchen, not seeming to realize anyone else was there. He put on a pot of coffee and poked around in the fridge for food.

Simon was pouring two mugs of coffee when Jace walked into the kitchen, half asleep and only wearing a pair of old sweats. Simon shoved a mug into the other Shadowhunter’s hands and got out three more mugs. He poured them and handed them out accordingly as Isabelle, Clary, and then, Becky walked into the kitchen as though they were aroused by the smell of coffee.

Becky lifted her coffee to her lips, then froze. She stared at Simon, and then turned to Jace, and back to Simon who was rubbing the small of his back, her eyes dropping to the dark bruises on their necks. “Oh my god! I knew you two were screwing!”

Simon whipped around, his sleepy mood gone in an instant and pointed a finger at his sister. “My sex life is none of your business! And who cares if we’re screwing? Maybe it’s more than just screwing? Did you ever think of that?”

Clary and Isabelle looked at each other and Clary placed a hand on Simon’s shoulder. “Simon, it’s all right, calm down.”

“No, it’s not all right! Who I sleep with is _my_ business, no one else’s. I’m tired of everyone thinking they have a right to invade my privacy.” Simon set his mug on the counter and threw his hands up in the air, his face turning red. “First the two of you with the shower, then Jace following me to Taki’s, and now everyone putting their nose in my sex life! I’m sorry, but aren’t these my genitalia? It’s my business where I put them, thank you very much. And I just happened to choose-”

A sharp, undecipherable word filled the air. Everyone froze, turning to face the table in the kitchen. The red in Simon’s face paled to an ashen white and flamed to a bright shade of red again when he spotted the stranger at the table. He rubbed the back of his neck and resisted the urge to cover his face as a furious female warlock stared him down. After a few moments, her anger fell from her face and she covered her mouth.

“ _Estralin._ ” She took a step towards him, using her free hand to reach across the counter to touch Simon’s cheek. He couldn’t bring himself to move away from her finger tips, even as her eyes switched from a crystal blue to a deep maroon, the color of the small markings next to her eye. A pang shot through his chest and he inhaled a sharp breath. Her hand recoiled from his face and she turned to face Magnus. “This is the boy?”

He nodded only once. “This is him.”

Avaria turned back to Simon with a smile. “You were an infant when I saw you last, child. My, look at how you’ve grown.”

 It was somewhat odd to hear a woman who looked only as though she was in her early twenties say something to him, but Simon let her lead him out of the kitchen and into dining room down the hall. He didn’t have to turn around to know the rest of the group was following closely behind them. She sat him down and took the seat across from him.

“There are two ways we can do this.” She said, her voice going quiet. “With everyone present or in private. There are more… intimate details that you should know that I am unwilling to share in front of your friends. If you want to share with them afterwards, that is your choice.”

Simon turned his gaze to Jace, who had sat down next to him. A slight smile spread across his face when Jace place his mug of coffee in front of him. Then, he looked at Clary, on his other side. She bit her lip and shrugged, but if the worried expression was any indication, she wanted to know. Becky caught his attention next. It only took him meeting her gaze to make his decision.

He looked back to Avaria, curling his hands around his mug. “I want to know. Tell me everything.”

“Have you ever heard of Isaac Whitescar?”

Alec interjected, his eyes widening. “Miss Song, are you referring to the Whitescar family myth that has been forbidden for centuries?”

"Who?” Isabelle knitted her eyebrows together, sitting down in the chair next to Clary’s. She rubbed her hands down her arms. “Why do I feel like I’ve heard that name before?”

“I suppose I’ll start from the very beginning then.” Avaria frowned and looked to Catarina and Magnus. “Do you have a looking glass?”

Magnus combed a hand through his hair. “I’ll see if I can find one.”

“I’ll assist him, _melistra_.” Catarina walked out of the room, Magnus in a tow.

“Why do they call you that?” Clary piped up. “How do you pronounce it _– mel ees tra_?”

Avaria laughed and shook her head. “No, no, child. It’s _meh_ as in met, _lis_ as in Alice, and _tra_ as in trance.” She drew the letters in the air with a maroon glow that sprung from her fingers. “It’s an honorific. I’m a High Lady of the Spiral Court. One of the highest influential positions among it, might I add.”

“The High Lady means you’re either incredibly wise, or have been alive longer than most other warlocks.” Alec rested his fingers against his chin in thought.

“I’ve been told I’m both.” She winked at him before taking a deep breath. “But, yes. I believe I’m the third oldest warlock in the Spiral Court.” Avaria looked at Alec with a smile. “You’re a very well-educated young man. I like you.”

“Thank you.” He dipped his head.

"A looking glass is a mirror right?” Becky asked. “What do you need a mirror for?”

Avaria drummed her fingers on the table, pursing her lips. “How to explain this… Well, a looking glass is actually quite different than a mirror. A mirror and a looking glass are the same to any except for warlocks. But to a warlock, a looking glass allows you to cast more complex scrying spells upon it. You can scry with a mirror, yes, but only the way a fortuneteller would look into a crystal ball. To see the past or the present, you need a raw body of water, or a looking glass.”

“What do you mean by ‘raw body of water’?”

“A body of water that naturally has magic coursing through it.” She explained. “Most bodies of water have lost their natural magic, but there are a few that remain, though they are significantly small.”

Simon sipped his coffee. “What about oceans then?”

"Oceans hold a different type of magic all together. They provide for the species that dwell there. Warlocks are unable to attain the magic because of the Highworlders that claim the water. We are unable to even study it.”

“Highworlders?” Magnus stood in the doorway, Catarina next to him and both held several different hand mirrors in their arms. At the word ‘Highworlders,’ both wore matching expressions of confusion.

They brought the mirrors to her and Avaria motioned for them all to take a seat. “Only the High Lords and Ladies of the Spiral Court know of the Highworlders. As do the Silent Brothers. Otherwise, the world would break into all chaos.”

Simon opened his mouth to speak, but she lifted her hand to stop him. Avaria took hold of one of the hand mirrors. “Let’s start from the beginning.”

~!~

 _When I was still a young warlock, only about a century old, I lived in what you now would call the Bahamas. I dwelled there for quite some time, for magic was common in the Bahamas. This was a time where mundanes were more than aware of our presence in their world. We lived in harmony with each_ _other._

“Mundanes knew of magic? What of the Shadowhunters?”

_Hush. And yes, there was one Shadowhunter. Or, would be in that time. Jonathan was just born when I met Vanora, I believe._

“Vanora?”

_I’m getting there, now stop interrupting. Vanora and I met on the shores of the beach, both astonished by the other’s beauty. We became friends quickly. It didn’t take long for us both to realize that the other wasn’t aging. I asked her what she was and she told me. She was what they called a Loreley. I was one of the few who could resist her charms._

They saw images of a beautiful young woman walking along a shoreline with Avaria, the two seeming to be in deep conversation before the image changed. It was nighttime and both girls were lying on the beach, fully submerged in water. Avaria appeared to have cast a spell on herself to be able to breathe underneath the underneath the sea. Vanora’s scales were a deep blue-green and spread up her arms and shoulders. Her legs transformed into a beautiful fin and her hair changed from a honey brown to a dark shade of navy with silver streaks running through it. A small tiara woven from pearls sat on her head.

_The Loreley was a creature of the sea. I learned this on the full moon when she was at the height of her powers. Her scales were beautiful, her fins even more so. She was hypnotically beautiful and had a voice to match. Her voice would attract hundreds, if not thousands, of lonely sailors, or just sailors at all. Male, female, young, old… All of them._

“She sounds like a siren.”

_Isabelle, Simon, either of you interrupt again and I will not continue. Understood? Good. Now, where was I?_

_Oh, yes. A Loreley had majestic songs, not too different from a siren. But, much, much worse. They ruled over all merfolk, sirens, mer, you name it. Their word was law, no question. Vanora was their princess. Her power was stronger than that of either of her parents. She could speak and it would draw people near, her voice just her presence brought people to her._

_After Jonathan Shadowhunter had established a Clave, he had asked only one favor of Raziel in exchange for his devotion. And that was to make the mundane unaware of the horrors of their world. Demons, angels, warlocks, werewolves, vampires, the fae… It was as if they had never existed._

_Jonathan created a new world for us all, a new life, that most of us did not want. Only those Raziel deemed worthy remembered. Most of which were priests, and despised warlocks. So the course of hatred began._

_Classifications were born because of Jonathan Shadowhunter; Downworlder, mundane, Shadowhunter, and Highworlder. The Highworlders were those that Clave were not strong enough to fight and left alone. The Loreley were included. People were no longer simply people who all shared rare abilities, but became divided._

It was Avaria walking through the cities with Vanora, this time. Both girls seemed lost and seemed on the verge of tears. A priest from a local church held up a cross as they walked by, shouting how they were damned and monsters. Images rapidly flashed onto the looking glass of the girls being scorned and hated everywhere they went until the calm settled.

_But after Jonathan died, things changed drastically. Downworlders were **butchered** by the Shadowhunters. They killed women, children, infants, and innocent men._

Avaria lifted her hand to cover the looking glass as images of blood and massacre appeared.

_Vanora and I held strong to each other and lived together in hiding for over a century after fighting as much as we could. When things became better, we left hiding, as did many of the other Downworlders._

_After Vanora and I had known each other for two hundred years, a young man Ascended to become a Shadowhunter. His name was Isaac Whitescar._

Her hand fell away from the looking glass to reveal a young man with dark hair and bright eyes. His smile was nothing but a mischievous grin and he swayed back and forth, clearly talking to Avaria. A slight pink hue was on the edges of the mirror.

_He had tremendous power. Stronger than any other Shadowhunter, he could resist the charm of the Highworlders. His stamina, agility, all of his senses were stronger than any of the normal Shadowhunters._

_He was assigned to watch over the Loreley, make sure that their people weren’t going to be causing any trouble. Isaac was a wise and kind man. He did nothing past watch over Vanora and her people._

_His descendants were not so kind. Reid Whitescar slaughtered the Loreley one at a time, purposely leaving only Vanora alive. She was filled with hatred towards their lineage, but she blamed me for it. At the time, I had taken a warlock lover._

The same rose hue that had surrounded Isaac surrounded the warlock who appeared. His hair was navy, and his teeth were slightly pointed. What caught Simon’s eye was the matching warlock marks the two had near their eyes. Avaria’s was maroon, near her left eye and his blue, near his right eye. They were the color of the other’s eyes, Simon realized.

_Because she blamed me, she locked Darreck and I in a prison and ordered him to kill me. I tried to get him to stop, to snap out of whatever trance he’d been put in, but it didn’t work. He held a knife to my throat and almost killed me. He was no longer himself, but a monster. I got him on the ground, and he escaped her trance long enough to beg me to kill him and tell me he loved me. I obliged._

_The scene played out exactly as Avaria described it, and Simon heard Isabelle gasp quietly. The scene changed to her leaving the prison, her clothes splattered in blood and her hair a mess. It looked as though she was in the renaissance era._

_After that, Vanora and I didn’t talk until eighteen years ago. She requested to meet with me and had a sincere apology prepared. I forgave her and she begged me for her help. She had fallen in love with Caleb Whitescar-_

_"_ Wait, but the Whitescars died out centuries ago."

_No, Mr. Lightwood, they didn’t. They were kept hidden from all except the Silent Brothers, and the Inquisitor._

_Anyhow, Caleb had been born with her name on his shoulder, the Highworlder sign of a soulmate. It was incredibly dangerous for them to be together. Vanora had taken my hands and gotten on her knees, pleading with me for my assistance. She was with child and her only worry was what the Clave would do when they found out. She was unsure if they would test on her child, or kill it, but she knew she could let that happen and knew I was the only one who could assist her._

~!~

“I agreed to help her.” Avaria set the hand mirror back down on the table and folded her hands. “She wouldn’t tell Caleb of the child, and when she began to show she came to live with me. She named her baby Sylus before she gave him to me. I took him to a home of a couple I knew was trying for a second baby. A few memory alterations spells and a glamour for the baby, and he was theirs. And they named him Simon. Simon Lewis, brother to Rebecca Lewis, son of Elaine and James Lewis.”

Simon’s face paled and slowly he released his cup of coffee. The others could only watch him as he pushed his chair away from the table, stood, and walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really really excited for chapter five! It's got some good stuff in there. :) Lots of coping and dealing -or lack of thereof. 
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter, my kudos button would love the attention, but if you'd do me one better and leave a comment, I'll do my best to reply. <3 Love you all, and until next time hit me up on tumblr! ~Swiftie


	5. Hold on (Baby, you're losing it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY GUYS. I REALLY MEANT TO UPLOAD THIS SOONER. IN FACT, I THOUGHT I HAD.
> 
> Really sorry about that, lovelies! Chapter title comes from Taylor Swift's "Tied Together With a Smile"
> 
> Anyways, the warnings for this chapter are: language, sexual references, and good old boy love.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

He was adopted. Becky wasn’t his sister, his mother wasn’t his mother, and his father wasn’t his father. His whole life was a lie.

Simon sat on his bed, staring at his locked door. This was all so wrong. He buried his face in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees. His stomach churned and churned as he replayed the conversations over in his mind. A wave of nausea crashed over him and he stumbled over to his window on the wall parallel to his door, throwing it open. His legs collapsed from under him and his upper half of his body hung out of the window.

He wasn’t even human. He was… He was…

His stomach wretched and he puked out the window. Avaria had said something about a glamour spell, meaning this wasn’t even what he really looked like. He didn’t even know what he truly looked like. Simon pressed his forehead to the cold edge of the window sill and tears streamed down his cheeks. His whole life was a lie. Everything was so very wrong and there wasn’t a single thing he could do to fix it.

~!~

Three days. Three days passed and Simon still hadn’t come out of his room, hadn’t even eaten. Avaria, Magnus, and Catarina had all been staying at the Institute, and no one even thought to protest. The top priority was making sure that none of them fought or argued, and as long as they weren’t in the same room for more than an hour, they were fine.

Everyone had tried to get Simon to eat in every way they could think of; from knocking and talking, to setting the food down and leaving. The only one who would eat the food was Church. Needless to say, panic was settling in. Clary drummed her fingers on the kitchen counter as she put together a sandwich. It was her turn to try and get Simon to at least _take_ the food. She walked upstairs to his room and knocked on the door.

“Simon?” She asked in a soft voice.  “It’s Clary. I made you a sandwich.”

There was no answer, so she continued talking. “Everyone is worried about you, you know. I- I know I can’t do much, but if you want someone to be with, I’m here. You don’t even have to say anything. We can just lie in bed and I can tell you what’s going on with Izzy and I. Look, I just-”

The door opened to reveal Simon in the same clothes he’d been in three days ago, holding a blanket to his chest. Large bags sat underneath his eyes. He probably hadn’t slept at all, she winced. Shitty didn’t begin to describe how he looked. Her expression fell. Tears filled his eyes and he slumped forward into her. “Clary.”

She wrapped her arms around him and awkwardly led him back into his room, shutting the door behind them. “C’mon, Si, do you want to take a shower? Then eat? You’ll feel better.”

"I tried to shower.” He sat down on the bed, his whole body beginning to shake. “But then I remember what Avaria said about my- my-” he choked on the words. His body rocked forward in a dry heaving motion. Clary placed her hand on his shoulder, setting the plate of food on his dresser.

“Simon, it’s okay, you don’t have to-” She began, but he shook his head.

“My mother.” He whispered. “I remember she’s a…” Simon’s words died and he buried his head in his arm. “And I can’t.”

“This, I just… Clary, I-” His voice cracked and everything seemed to shatter. She turned him to face her and he fell onto her. Clary brushed her fingers through his hair, cradling him in her arms. She rocked back and forth, letting him break. He sobbed into her shoulder and she held him. She couldn’t begin to imagine what he was going through. Yes, she’d gone through a crazy family situation herself, but nothing like this. Nothing even close to this.

“I’m not even human.” The words were a horrified whisper during a break in his sobs.

Her heart stopped. “Simon… That’s not true. You had a Shadowhunter father. You are human. And if you aren’t human, how are you so kind? If you aren’t human, how can you be so broken up over this? If you aren’t human, how are you in love with Jace? If you aren’t human, how are you able to feel or care? Hm? Simon, if you aren’t human, then no one in this building is.”

As her words sank in, the shaking in his shoulders slowed. Simon nodded against her, the words seeming to pacify him. She helped him to his feet. “You need to shower. Do you want me to go get Jace?”

He stiffened at the mention of seeing the other Shadowhunter and she hurried to backtrack. “Never mind, never mind. I’ll shower with you. Does that sound okay?”

 Simon nodded once. He dropped the blanket onto the bed and the duo made their way into the bathroom. He seemed to lose himself in thought as they stepped through the doorway, Clary frowned. His fingers tightened around her arm as she walked over to the shower. She gently touched his hand and guided him to sit down on the toilet. When he was sitting, staring at the wall, she turned on the shower. Simon flinched. A soft sigh pushed through her mouth as she stripped off her clothing and then went to help him take off his.

When they were both naked, she wrapped her arm around him and motioned towards the running water. It was a slow trek to the shower, but they made it there. A hiss escaped Simon as the water hit his back. He gripped her arm tightly as she coaxed him to calm down enough to let her wash his hair. The process of the shower was slow and difficult, but it was progress.

Simon was eager to be out of the shower and was more than willing to let her dry him. He did dress himself, however difficult it seemed to be for him. He wore nothing more than one of Jace’s shirts and a pair of pajama pants, but even that was more than Clary had hoped for.

He plopped down onto the bed, a glassy expression in his eyes. His _parabatai_ sighed, the sound barely audible. She crossed over to the bed and sat next to him, placing her hand on his knee. His blank gaze turned to her. She brushed her fingers along his leg, drawing soothing swirls along the fabric. “I want you to listen to me, okay Simon?”

The only response she received was a nod. Clary offered a sad smile. “It sucks right now. All of this. But, you know what? It may not get better right away. And that’s okay. Do you want to know why? Because of all of the people you have around you. It sucks now, and _damn,_ it sucks. But you have me. You have Jace. You’ve got Izzy, and Alec, and Magnus, and Becky. And we all love you, Si. We’ll make it through this.”

His eyes watered and Clary pulled him into his arms. She held him as he cried, suddenly understanding as his memories flowed through her with every word he murmured. His words were almost nonexistent as he explained everything that had been going through his mind for the past three days, how felt lost and how everything was different now.

Simon ended up falling asleep with his head on her lap, much to her relief. He was finally getting some rest, she thought as she combed her fingers through his hair. There was a soft knock on the door and she offered a soft, “Come in” before the door opened. Jace entered the room, carefully closing the door behind him. He stopped when he saw Simon and smiled, his eyes softening. She watched as he sat next to the brunette’s feet, placing his hand on Simon’s hip and murmuring a soft comfort that he was there.

Jace looked up at her. “You must be a goddess. Getting him to open the door, to shower, and to sleep?” He let out a low whistle and winked. “Damn.”

Clary attempted a grin. “You know me, gorgeous and powerful and amazing.”

Jace barked a quiet laugh, and then he turned his gaze to Simon, then back to her. She understood the silent question in his eyes. Clary looked back down at Simon sleeping in her lap. “He’s… Losing himself, I think. He doesn’t really know how to handle it, so he’s shutting everyone out. It’s easier if he doesn’t have to talk about it, even if it’s the only thing on his mind. And he’s scared of Becky’s reaction.

"I mean, being told your whole life is a lie… that’s scary.” She finished with a sigh. Clary looked up at him and smiled. “But he’s got you. He’s got me. It’s going to be okay, right?”

Her voice cracked on the last sentence. Jace brushed his finger along her cheek, wiping away a tear that had slipped out. Clary moved his hand away, shaking her head. “Jace, I think…”

Clary covered her mouth with her hand to quiet the sobs that began to overwhelm her. Her other hand moved to her _parabatai_ rune. “I can feel it, Jace. It hurts so _much_. If I don’t distract myself, then I think about it and feel it. I can’t stop feeling it.”

“What are you feeling, Clary?” The words came out in a single breath. Clary met his wide-eyed gaze and shook her head. She saw the moment Jace realized, the gears in his brain making the connection. His expression twisted, not settling on a single emotion. He shook his head. “No, no- He can’t-”

“Jace.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Simon’s dying.”

“No.” He shook his head again. “Simon isn’t going to die. We have Avaria here, she’ll help him.”

“Jace,” She whispered, opening her eyes again. “I don’t think she can.”

“No, I can’t believe that Clary. Because I- I-” He cut himself short. “I just can’t.”

"But it’s the truth. And you know that.”

“No. He isn’t, Clary.” Jace stood up and shook his head. “If I believe that, then that means we’re giving up. I’m not giving up on him.”

Clary couldn’t bring herself to watch as he walked out of the room. Her hands shook as she continued to stroke Simon’s hair. This was going to be a long week.

~!~

After he’d entered his room with Magnus, Alec kicked the door shut. He withdrew his stele from a spot from his belt and drew Runes along the walls and door to soundproof the room.  With a sigh, he turned back around to face his boyfriend, letting the tension drop from his shoulders.

“Why Alexander, how very forward of you.” Magnus placed a hand on his chest with a charming smile.

Alec rolled his eyes, toeing off his shoes as he made his way over to where Magnus was lying on the bed. He flopped down onto the bed, scooting closer to the warlock. Alec pressed himself to Magnus’ side, resting his head on Magnus’ chest. “I wanted to talk in private. I’m tired of people not minding their own business.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Alec paused, trying to think of how to phrase his words. “I don’t really trust the High Lady.”

The way he said High Lady was really used as more of a passive-aggressive insult. Magnus breathed out a soft laugh and wrapped his arm around Alec’s shoulders. “No, I don’t quite trust her either. I haven’t spoken with Avaria in a long time, but when we last spoke, it was not the best for those around us. Her children are delightful, however.”

“Children? But warlocks can’t-”

“They’re her adopted children.” Magnus’ fingers traced designs into Alec’s shoulder as the Shadowhunter looked up at him. “She takes in orphaned Downworlders and treats them as her own children.”

Alec bit his lip. “Right. But doesn’t that seem a bit…”

“Yes.” Magnus nodded, not letting Alec finish. “But you needn’t worry about it, darling. I have someone I know doing a close investigation of our Avaria Song.”

“What about what she called Simon?” He asked, not ready to let the subject slip away so easily.

“What do you mean?”

Rubbing his hand along Magnus’ side tenderly, he thought for a moment. “I think it was pronounced _Estralin_?”

“Alexander,” the word was slow, a warning. “You would do best not to repeat those types of words.”

Upon the questioning look he received, Magnus elaborated. “They’re of an ancient language that is no longer spoken. Our written spells are in Chthonian, but because of her age, Avaria was present when it was once a spoken language. Now, it is a very dangerous language that best be left alone.”

Alec nodded, processing the information he received. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He scooted closer to Magnus, playing with the hem of the warlock’s shirt. “I don’t want to think about this anymore. Want to put these Runes on the walls to better use?”

Magnus shot him a devilish grin and rolled them to put himself above Alec. Before diving down for a kiss, he purred, “It would be my pleasure.”

~!~

Becky was sitting beside him when Simon awoke. His arms shook as he attempted to maneuver into a sitting position. Becky stopped him and lowered her arm underneath his back. She was careful in propping him upright, putting a tall stack of pillows behind him. Simon bit his lip, watching his sister as she adjusted the blanket on top of him.

She sat back down in her chair, leaning back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Simon, talk to me. What’s going on in your head?”

He patted around for his glasses and found them on the nightstand. He slid them on. Simon took a deep breath. “Becky, look, I just… I don’t know where to start.”

Her arms uncrossed and she folded her hands on her lap, fidgeting a bit. “Start with the first thing that comes to mind.”

“I’m not me.” He blurted. “I mean, I know that I’m me, but at the same time, I’m not. Turns out that I’m adopted and that I’m not even human. Becks, I don’t even look like this. You heard Avaria, she put a glamour on me. So for all I know, I could have blonde hair and blue eyes. I- I-”

His voice broke and Becky’s heart shattered. Oh _Gods_ , Simon. Her baby brother, Simon. She reached for him, her arms curling around his shoulders. Her hands rubbed down his back and her head dipped to rest on his shoulder. Tears streamed from her eyes, “Oh, Simon…”

“Becky…” the word came out of his mouth slowly as his arms lifted to return his sister’s embrace. His sister drew away, and as she spoke, Simon realized how worried she was. How scared she was. The messy hair, lack of makeup, and the bags beneath her eyes gave it away too easily.

“You listen to me well, and you listen to me good, Simon. No matter what, you will _always_ be my baby brother.” She took his hand, squeezing it. “You’re so good. So, so good. You’re a good Shadowhunter, with a great boyfriend, a great best friend, and an even better _parabatai_. So you’re adopted. So you may have different genetics than you thought. But does that really change who you are? It changes what you thought your abilities were, but it doesn’t change you. You are Simon Lewis: little brother, best friend, nerd, video-gamer. You are Simon Lovelace: Shadowhunter, boyfriend, _parabatai_ , fighter. And now, you’re also Simon Whitescar. And I am _so excited_ to help you see who Simon Whitescar is.”

Simon stared at her, his eyes wide with surprise. He launched forward, grabbing onto her. He choked out, “Becky.”

Becky held him. “This sucks Simon, I know it does. But, baby brother, there are so many people who are here for you, yeah? You just have to let us in.”

He nodded into her shoulder and she rubbed her fingers along his back, around the edge of his bandages. After a few minutes of silence, she said in a soft voice. “I think you should talk to Jace.”

His whole body jerked to alertness at the mention of Jace. Simon shook his head, drawing away. “No.”

“Simon,” She started with a soft sigh.

“No, Becky.” He moved farther away from her. “I can’t talk to Jace about it.”

“Can’t, or won’t?” She stood up, her voice growing a bit irritable. “Simon, he’s so worried about you that he’s going insane. It’s driving the rest of us crazy because not only worried about you, but we’re also worried about him. Just fucking talk to him.”

With that, she left the room. As she walked down the hallway, she let out a large breath. She probably shouldn’t have taken her anger out on Simon. Though, she didn’t regret what she had said.  Maybe he would listen. That was the best she could hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on tumblr if you have any prompts or requests for me! I also plan on adding a preview for chapter 6 there!


	6. If I lay here (would you lie with me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rebecca, what’s wrong?”
> 
> Tears filled her eyes. “I’ve made a very, very big mistake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while! Life has been hectic on my side of the screen, otherwise this totally would have been out sooner.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, but I listened to Chase Eagleson's cover.
> 
> Normal warnings apply! Warnings: language, sexual references, anxiety, panic, guy love, etc., etc.,
> 
> I liked writing this chapter, though it is a bit of a filler? There are some key things that happen here, but it's really a bit of a buildup.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

It was about three in the morning and Jace was wide awake, even though he would much rather be asleep. He was sitting up in bed, staring at the wall of his bedroom, not quite able to fully enjoy the comfort of being tucked snugly into his blankets. About a thousand thoughts circled his mind. There were too many questions without answers; questions about Simon, questions about Clary, and even questions about Jace himself. Not to mention the questions about Avaria.

He rubbed a hand down his face with a sigh. This was all getting to be too much. If only he could just fix it somehow. Avaria seemed to know what to do, but if Simon wasn’t willing to listen… Well, there was only so much they could do. And then, there was what Clary said earlier.

When Alec had been poisoned, Jace had felt it. Jace had known that his _parabatai_ had been brought back from the brink of death. His dread had nearly killed him and his own body was weak and weary. He had been half-dead himself. And that was the look that was developing in Clary’s eyes. The red-haired Shadowhunter was losing herself while she watched Simon lose himself.

His hands curled into fists and he slammed one down onto a pillow, letting out a sound of frustration. Jace was glaring at his lamp, debating whether or not he should go turn it off and try to get some sleep, when there was a soft knock on his door. After a moment, the door creaked opened and Simon poked his head in. “Jace?”

The way his name broke on Simon’s lips shattered Jace’s heart. He motioned for Simon to come in. “Hey.”

Simon closed the door behind him, and in the dim lamplight, Jace realized that the brunette was wearing one of his shirts. Simon dawdled by the door, leaning against it and fiddling with the hem of his –Jace’s- shirt. He seemed… out of place. As though he wasn’t sure what he was doing there. Jace patted the bed. “Come sit down, Simon.”

The awkwardness dropped from Simon in an instant. Jace frowned. Oh. Simon hadn’t known if he still even wanted him here. The brunette sat on the other side of the bed and Jace rolled his eyes. He leaned forward and gave Simon’s arm a tug. The other boy allowed himself to be manhandled into Jace’s lap, with the blondesitting against the headboard.

Jace rested his hands on Simon’s hips and Simon’s arms draped on his shoulders. Simon’s expression crumpled. “Jace, I…”

“You’re an idiot.” The blonde interjected.

“I’m… sorry?” Simon angled his head, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Uh… what?”

“Damn right you’re sorry, Simon.” Jace’s grip on Simon tightened some. “You don’t get to just lock yourself up in your room for three days. I get what you’re going through is awful. It’s terrible. I know that. But you can’t do that to me, Simon.” His expression fell. “You can’t worry me like that. Angels above, Simon… I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to come out.”

“I just…” Simon leaned forward, burying his face in Jace’s neck. “No, you’re right. I’m so sorry, Jace. I should’ve talked to you first.”

Jace adjusted Simon to lean back some and cupped his cheeks. He locked gazes with Simon and their foreheads pressed together. “You can’t just lock me out if we want this to work, baby.”

A slight grin spread across Simon’s face. “Baby, huh?”

Jace’s eyes widened some when he realized what he said, “Do you not-”

“No,” Simon cut in quickly, and then his voice softened. “No, I like it.”

“Good.” A lopsided smile spread across Jace’s face. It was gentle, and his voice was soft. His thumbs rubbed across Simon’s cheeks. Simon nuzzled into his touch, a quiet sound of contentment pushing past his lips. The noise prompted Jace to roll them over on the bed. He laid Simon on his back and held himself above the brunette. “Because it suits you.”

Simon’s fingers curled into his hair, tugging him forward to brush their lips. Jace drew away with a grin.

“You know…” His voice was low. “I really like how you look in my clothes.”

“That’s good.” Simon’s purr came. “Because I really like wearing them.”

“I think you would look even better without them.” The smile Jace flashed was seductive.

“You know, I can think of a few things we can do without clothes.” Simon’s fingers tightened into Jace’s hair. Jace chuckled, his hands sliding down Simon’s legs and back up to the waistband of the pajama pants. He pulled them down with a grin, taking his time to show extra attention to Simon’s legs. The low moans that came out of Simon’s mouth only encouraged him more. He tugged the pajama pants off, throwing them to the side. Jace started up at the top of Simon’s thighs again. He curled his hands around them, lifting them to rest on his shoulders.

Jace’s fingers brushed the backs of Simon’s thighs gently. He was about to make a comment to the brunette about the little amount of hair on his legs when something caught his eye. A flash of silver peered up at him from beneath Simon’s –well, his- boxers. He slid his hand down to touch it, but as soon as his skin met Simon’s there, the brunette let out a cry of what sounded like excruciating pain and he yanked his hand away as pain shot through it.

“Shit, Jace, stop-” Simon jerked away from Jace’s hands. Jace glanced down at his hand and the skin on his palm, just below his little finger, was starting to blister. He turned back to Simon, who was curling in on himself in the fetal position. Jace reached forward, lying beside Simon. He touched the brunette’s cheek with gentle fingers.

Simon leaned into his touch, his hands going to touch the spot on his leg. A low hissing sound brushed through his mouth. With caution, Jace grabbed Simon’s wrist and slowly pulled it away from the mark on his leg. “Why don’t you put on some fresh clothes and we go downstairs to watch a movie?”

“What about-”

Jace shook his head. “It’s three in the morning. We can deal with whatever the hell that was at a decent time of day.”

“Okay.”

So, that’s what they did. Jace ended up carrying a half-asleep Simon down the staircase and into the living area. They made camp on the couch, with Jace laying on his back and Simon’s head over his heart. They fell asleep with _The Lion King_ playing in the background.

~!~

It was lunchtime when the letter arrived. Becky heard it shoot out of the fireplace from her spot in the kitchen. She jolted out of her seat at the table where she’d been doing some reading and dashed into the living room. Jace and Simon were still asleep on the sofa. Becky bit her lower lip with a slight smile. She turned back to the fire place and almost laughed at how _Harry Potter-_ esque the letter was. It had shot out of the fireplace, had a large red wax seal on it, and it was quite specifically addressed to her.

Becky picked up the letter before tiptoeing back into the kitchen. She withdrew her cellphone and snapped a picture of the envelope. She sent the picture in a text message to Gale, tagged with _It’s here!_

Not even a moment later, her phone rang. She answered and lifted it to her ear. “You’re quite fast, you know.”

 _“As is the Clave. I wasn’t expecting you to receive your response so soon.”_ Gale’s voice echoed through the phone and she heard the smile in his tone. _“When did you send your request in?”_

“Only a few weeks ago? Probably the beginning of this month.” She fiddled with the edge of the envelope. “I’m nervous.”

_“Go ahead and open it. Even if they don’t approve it at the moment, you can repeatedly pester them with the request until they allow it.”_

“Okay, okay.” Becky laughed and positioned the phone between her shoulder and ear. She tore open the envelope and took the letter out. She unfolded it and began to read aloud. “ ‘ _To a Miss Rebecca Lewis, we have seen your request to drink from the Mortal Cup and Ascend to the Shadowhunter ranks amongst your Ascended brother, Simon Lovelace. We were hesitant at first to approve your Ascension, but due to your wonderfully worded letter, we would like to be the first to congratulate you on your upcoming Ascension-_ Oh my God, oh my God!”

Her ecstatic shouts were muffled by her hand over her mouth. Vaguely, she was aware of Gale congratulating her, but as she kept reading her stomach dropped. “No, no, no, this can’t be happening.”

_"Rebecca, what’s wrong?”_

Tears filled her eyes. “I’ve made a very, very big mistake.”

~!~

“Alec! Alec!” The incessant pounding on his door drew his thoughts away from the paper work that was sitting on the desk in front of him. He stood up and walked over to the door. When he opened it, Becky was standing with her hand in the air to knock again. She let it fall to her side, the tears that were barely contained sliding down her cheeks.

“Becky? What’s going on?” He ushered her in quickly, and shut the door behind them. Alec reinstated his runes for privacy and led her over to his desk chair to sit.

She shook her head. “Alec, I’ve made a terrible mistake.” 

The expression on her face caused his blood to run cold. 

“Becky.” He said slowly. “What did you do?”

“I may have applied for Ascension about a month ago.”

“How is that an issue?” Becky tossed a letter at him. He scrambled to catch it and scanned it as she spoke.

“I got approved, which, yay, but the Clave kind of wants to send a representative to the Institute this weekend.” The words rushed out of her under his gaze. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“ _What._ ”

That was probably the best time Magnus could have chosen to come into his room from the adjoining bathroom. He was ruffling his hair dry with a towel, and had yet to put his makeup on for the day. “Rebecca, Alexander -darling, what’s going on?”

Alec shoved the letter at Magnus, swears escaping his mouth as he attempted to align his thoughts. He rubbed his hand down his face, taking a few deep breaths. “Okay, okay. Let’s think this through. First off, Becky this isn’t your fault. Don’t think that it is.”

He waited for her nod before he started to pace the room. “We could talk to the Clave and see if they are willing to reschedule, but then they would ask why so that wouldn’t work. Simon can’t be in this state when the representative comes. We could request a specific representative, but we would have to have a reason for that too…”

Alec stopped, his shoulders falling. He released a long breath. “I’m… at a loss.”

Magnus grabbed his arm above the elbow, guiding him to sit on the bed and motioned for Becky to do the same. He cracked his knuckles and shook out his hands. “All right. Now, why don’t we do something completely simple? We simply send out Simon with Avaria and whomever else we choose. We can tell the representative that they are out on a mission.”

Alec nodded, slowly. “That… might work.”

“Good.” Magnus patted both of them on the head. “You both just need to take a step back and look at the simple solutions sometimes. It needn’t be so complicated.”

Becky laughed. “Sleep deprivation does that to you, Magnus.”

“Then, why don’t we get this all resolved and after both of you can get some rest?”

Alec took Becky’s hand with a nod. “We’ll do that.” He turned to Becky. “Orders from the Head of the Institute, sleep is now mandatory after this shit is over.”

Becky snorted, but didn’t protest. “Can we go make some food? I’m hungry.”

Magnus just laughed and Alec shook his head with a smile. “Sure, Becky, let’s go get some food.”

~!~

Damn, he was hot. A soft sound brushed past his lips and Jace peeled his eyes open. He looked down at his chest where the heat was coming from and saw Simon curled into him. A brief glance at the clock on the far wall told him it was about one in the afternoon. By some miracle and with some struggle, he was able to untangle himself from the mess of cuddly limbs that was Simon without waking him. He wasn’t entirely surprised Simon liked cuddling so much, but wasn’t quite expecting just how _much_ Simon liked to cuddle.

Although, he wasn’t sure he could blame him.

As soon as Jace was standing again, he picked up a blanket from the floor. It must have fallen off some time last night. He was about to lay it over Simon, when a flicker of silver caught his eye from the back of Simon’s leg. He reached forward to touch it, but drew his hand away when he recalled Simon’s reaction earlier that morning. Jace blew out a short breath and leaned forward, trying to get a better glimpse of the mark.

It was a tangled mess of letters. But… Jace squinted at the silvery jumble. The cursive, while he couldn’t quite make out what it spelled, it appeared to be his own handwriting. Jace squatted, using a hand to brace himself on the floor. What the hell could it possibly say?

Upon closer inspection, he noticed there were two words. His gaze caught the elongated hook of the _J_ at the beginning of the first word. Jace let his eyes slide over to the twisted curls at the bottom of the first letter of the second word. Realization slammed into him like a brick, causing him to topple backwards onto his rear. Holy. Shit.

It was his name. The mark fucking said his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it! They're much appreciated. Also, don't be afraid to hit me up on tumblr at: shimmeringswift.tumblr.com :) There are always sneakpeeks there.


	7. Does it ever drive you crazy (just how fast the night changes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry about the delay on this chapter. I had a hard time writing it! A loooot is going to be happening in chapter eight. I'm actually hitting the tail end of this fic. Buuuut, there will be a sequel! So look forward to it. <3
> 
> Title is from "Night Changes" by One Direction.
> 
> Warnings: bonding, secrets, revelations, some language, anxiety and nervousness, guy-on-guy love, etc, etc
> 
> Enjoy!

What. The hell.

Jace couldn’t seem to move from his spot on the floor. An arm thrown out behind him, holding his weight up and his legs bent in front of him with other arm lifted in front of him almost as though it were a shield. He stared at the shimmery silver font on the back of Simon’s upper thigh. It carried the same hollow look that a faded Rune would.

It was his name.

What.

The.

Hell.

His throat tightened. What. The. Hell. His name was… Just, what?

It was that precise moment that Avaria’s words from a few days prior filled his mind.

_"Caleb had been born with her name on his shoulder, the Highworlder sign of a soulmate.”_

Jace scrambled to his feet. If what Avaria said was true, then… oh. Shit. The realization was heavy in his chest. Simon was… his soulmate? The words played slow in his mind. Simon was… his soulmate. Simon was his soulmate.

No, wait. Jace wasn’t the one with the mark. Didn’t that mean he was _Simon’s_ soulmate? It wasn’t as though there were major differences between him being Simon’s and Simon being his.

_Simon being his._

He really liked the sound of that.

“A bond between souls is ancient - older than the planet.”

Jace jolted, his gaze lifting to the doorway. Catarina offered him a serene smile and crossed to him. She waved his hand and Simon’s –Jace’s- boxers shifted into sleep pants. She grabbed a blanket and draped it over Simon before turning back to Jace. “I do think you and I should have a conversation, don’t you agree?”

There was something he couldn’t quite place his finger on that brought him to nod. Her demeanor was softer than normal. Instead of the more serious and rigid side she showed, Catarina seemed… maternal. She rotated her hand, gesturing to the staircase. “Go get changed, Jace. Then, let’s talk.”

So, he did. When he came back down the stairs, he found Catarina in the living room. She was kneeling on the floor with a hand over Simon’s forehead. Her eyes were closed as she was murmuring underneath her breath. He strode toward her, about to jump in to get her away from him, but she lifted her free hand. Jace could only watch and wait, shuffling his feet as nerves began to wear at his patience. What was she even doing to him? She had previously said something about spells for fever a few days ago, but Simon had been fine only a few minutes ago. He fought a groan and pulled out his steele, spinning it in his fingers.

It seemed to be hours before Catarina was done, even though it was only minutes. She let out a long breath and stood, turning to him. “It was a spell to keep him asleep for little while, and to keep his sleep dreamless. Now, why don’t we go grab some lunch?”

She may have been asking, but it certainly wasn’t a question. Her expression made that much clear.

They walked shoulder to shoulder in an inescapable silence as they left the Institute. Unsure of where they were truly headed, Jace followed Catarina’s lead. She carried herself with confidence and walked only just ahead of him. It was a photographic moment, in his mind. With the noisy city as her backdrop and a glamour hiding her sky blue skin, Catarina had the world at her fingertips, even if she herself didn’t know it.

She glanced over her shoulder at him, a slight smile quirking at her lips. Catarina guided him into a small diner, grabbing his elbow as they walked in. Leaning over to him, she whispered into his ear. “I must warn you; this is a warlock exclusive facility that few know of. Do your best not to anger anyone.”

“Me? I would never.” Jace’s eyes twinkled as he flashed a grin. The savory aroma of pizza filled his nose and his mouth watered. Catarina huffed at him and pulled him along to a table in the back. He surveyed the small establishment. It was in much better state than Taki’s was. He loved Taki’s, but it was a bit… run down. Everything here was pristine and new. The tables were a simple white, but sparkled nonetheless. The chairs were black with a white stripe on them, and the walls were beautiful decorated with art and quotes. Upon closer inspection, some of the paintings actually appeared to be created by warlocks. Although, Jace did spot a few of Clary’s works amongst them.

Catarina took a seat and motioned for him to do the same. He obliged. The two sat in silence until a waiter visited their table to take their orders. Of course, clearly not wanting him to speak to anyone, Catarina ordered for them both. When the waiter left, she turned to face him. “What do you know of the mark on Simon’s leg?”

“I should be asking you that.” Jace sighed, brushing his fingers along the smooth surface of the table. “I only remember what Av-”

“Names hold power here, child. I suggest you don’t finish that word.”

Jace rolled his eyes and took a bite of his food. “I only remember what _our friend_ has told us. I know that it means that I’m Simon’s soulmate.”

“Yes,” Catarina’s demeanor changed. She settled back into her seat, a grim expression sliding onto her face. “That is what it means.”

“But?”

“Do not think I didn’t notice the way you phrased that. You’re no fool, Jonathan-”

“Jace.” He corrected, observing the diner. There weren’t many warlocks present, but the few who were had their warlock marks showing clear as day.

She glared at him. “You’re no fool, Jace. Surely, you’ve realized it by now.”

Jace winced, not meeting her gaze. His voice was a whisper. “Yeah. I have.”

“You’re his soulmate, but he is not yours.” Catarina paused, but Jace still didn’t look to her. “Unless you choose him to be.”

There was a taut silence. Neither of them spoke a word for many minutes. It wasn’t until after their meal arrived –which was some form of a pasta dish for Jace and a casserole dish for Catarina- that either said anything. Catarina was the first to speak as the waiter left.

“You have quite the choice to make.”

Using his fork to poke at his food, Jace glanced up at her. “What do you mean?”

“You truly don’t understand?”

Jace shook his head. “Not in the slightest.”

“You are grotesquely underestimating yourself.” She sighed, “But very well. I’ll explain everything.”

Jace motioned with his hand for her to continue. Catarina watched him for a moment before nodding once. “A soulmate… is not an easy subject to discuss. They’re a very difficult subject, but I’ll do my best. This will be a somewhat uncomfortable conversation, however.”

“Now, you’re just stalling.”

“I’m not. I’m giving you forewarning.” Catarina shot him a glare that reminded him so much of Maryse that Jace didn’t fight his chuckle. She rolled her eyes. “Soulmates are a topic that every warlock in the Spiral Court is educated on. No one can quite explain how they truly came to be, though there are many theories. Soulmates are something so rare, so sacred… Every living being has a soulmate, but Highworlders are the only race that is aware of whom their soulmate is. Well, the exclusion being their soulmate. But, on a mundane, the mark would appear glamoured.”

“If I’m Simon’s soulmate… why don’t I have one?”

Catarina’s gaze softened at the quietness of his tone, quietness Jace was surprised to hear himself speaking in. He swallowed, unable to break her gaze. “That’s why I wanted to speak with you.”

The softness in her words frightened him. She continued on, ignoring his petrified expression. “Simon bears your name, but you don’t bear his. Fate is letting you choose, Jace. Should you choose to become Simon’s mate, your mark will appear and shift into a new creation, as will Simon’s. But, should you choose not to be with Simon, your mark will never appear unless you meet another with your name.”

She took his hand. “Jonathan, you have a choice to make. A very serious one.”

“I choose Simon.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “I always choose Simon.”

Catarina smiled at him. “I was hoping you would say that. Now, I do have one more question for you. How do you feel about dessert?”

Jace laughed. A weight lifted off his shoulders. “I could do dessert.”

~!~

Simon woke up uncomfortable, cold, and lying on the sofa in the living room. He sat up with a groan. He picked up his glasses off of the end table and stretched before standing. After a quick glance at his rumpled pajamas and pajama pants that he didn’t remember putting on, he decided to change. Simon clambered to his feet and up the stairs to his bedroom.

He had pulled on his jeans and just finished pulling his shirt down when Isabelle came in. She offered him a smile. “I think we should talk.”

Simon furrowed his eyebrows, but took a seat on the bed, motioning for her to sit beside him. She closed the door and locked it, whipping out her steele and drawing a Rune over it. Isabelle sat beside him on the bed. “So, I was thinking last night.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” She smacked his arm.

“Shut up, Simon.” Her scowl was barely masking her grin. Her expression was somber again in moments. “I think you should talk to Jace about your relationship. All of the down and dirty and defining the relationship stuff.”

“Why?”

“Have you yet? Defined the relationship? Or is it just sex?”

“Well, um… We’re sorta-maybe-kinda-dating?”

“Yeah, no. Talk to him about it.” She patted his arm and stood. “Now, I get to try to convince your best friend to make out with me. Wish me luck!”

She practically skipped out of his room. When she was gone, his mind finally caught up. “Wait, what!?”

~!~

Lunch with Catarina had been rather enjoyable, Jace smiled to himself as he walked back into the Institute. Depending on how the rest of the week went, they had made tentative plans to go out again the following week. Shrugging off his jacket, he hung it on the coatrack by the door and walked forward into the living area. Simon was gone from where he’d been asleep from the couch. With a thoughtful sound, Jace jogged up the stairs.

Jace checked his own room first. When he had no luck there, he had found Simon in his room. The brunette was sitting on the edge of his bed, his face in his hands. Simon didn’t look up, just let out a long sigh. “Isabelle says we should talk.”

“Funnily enough, so does Catarina.” Jace shut the door behind him, locking it and placing a privacy Rune on it. He faced Simon. In long, slow strides, he crossed the room. When Simon wouldn’t look up, Jace knelt in front of him and gently removed Simon’s hands from his face. “What are you thinking?”

Simon’s expression cracked, his facial features flickering with vulnerability. His eyes were watering, Jace noticed. Simon held his gaze. “This is it for me, you know. Us, I mean.”

Jace laced their fingers, bringing Simon’s knuckles to his lips. “I know. I want you to know that this is it for me too.”

Relief spread across Simon’s face, his shoulders dropping. His eyes still looked sad. “I have a feeling I’m going to have to go away for a while.”

“I know.”

“You’ll… come find me, right?”

“Oh, Simon,” Jace breathed out, “If you came to me with a face I’ve never seen, a voice I don’t know, and a name I’ve never heard, I would still know you. Even if centuries were to separate us, I would still feel you. I would still be with you. Somewhere in the lining of the earth, there’s a heartbeat that’s saved just for you and me. We’re a part of this earth together. Wherever in this world that I may go, I will find you. Wherever in this world you may lead me, I will follow. Do you want to know why? Because, baby, this is it for me too. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“That was so… poetic.” Simon was crying. Holding Simon’s hand, he knew everything that Simon felt. The fear of his race; of his mother. The love he lived for Jace. The sadness he ached with for the thought of leaving. But, also, there was something so soft, so tender. “You make me fearless, you know.”

Jace leaned up a bit to press his lips to Simon’s in responsde. He smiled against them. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

~!~

Jace and Simon spent the rest of the night and next morning together. They made a quick visit to Catarina’s before grabbing dinner and heading back to the Institute. First, they had decided to get some new clothing however. Something to allow them to celebrate a bit, though Simon spent most of the night in Jace’s leather jacket. After, they went back home and picnicked in the greenhouse before retiring to Jace’s room.

Names were murmured in throes of passion and love. Runes were drawn on one another. Throughout the night, they doted on each other. Simon leaned over and whispered to Jace as they ate inside the greenhouse, “Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.”

The night was too short, but good nights never lasted long enough. The paradise they lingered in would be destroyed by the black clouds looming over them both. It would come in the morning. And it would hit hard.

Hit hard it did.

~!~

The next morning Jace found Simon sitting on the bathroom floor, shaking. He was at the other’s side in an instant. Jace wrapped his arms around Simon, pulling the brunette against his chest and rocking them back and forth slowly. “Shh, baby. It’s me. I’m here.”

Unlike normal, however, Jace’s presence did little to quell the panic Simon had. Simon was shaking like a leaf in the wind and his whole body was drenched in sweat. Behind his glasses, his eyes held a glassy look. The tile was cold against his legs, but the heat radiating from Simon seemed to balance it out. Jace sat with Simon’s back against his chest and his legs and arms curling around Simon. In a slow movement, he peeled his arm off of Simon and patted around for his phone. Or his steele. Whichever he found first.

He found his steele first and spun it into his fingers. Jace brought the steele to his shoulder and retraced his _parabatai_ Rune. After he finished, Jace dropped the steele, the metal clinking onto the tile. He combed his hand through Simon’s hair, rocking them both back and forth slowly.

It didn’t take long for Alec to find them, though it felt like it did. He had Magnus with him, Avaria and Becky following close behind. Avaria tucked the corner of her skirt into its waistband and knelt beside them. “How long has he been like this?”

“I don’t know, I just found him about ten minutes ago.” Jace had to fight to keep his voice from shaking.

“Help me get him into the bathtub.” She wrapped her arms around Simon’s legs, pinning them together. Jace repositioned himself to get Simon’s torso and Magnus moved to lift Simon’s middle. As they moved him, Avaria called for Alec to turn on the water and close the stopper. He did and they hefted Simon into the tub.

Simon ended up in the tub with his head near the faucet. Avaria shuffled Jace down to sit by the edge of the tub near Simon’s middle. “No, let me-”

Avaria lifted her hand, her gaze growing hard. “Don’t. We don’t have time for this. You can help, but only when I say so. Otherwise, he will die. Do you understand?” Jace nodded, and Avaria spun to face Becky. “Fetch his _parabatai._ She needs to be here.”

Jace took Simon’s hand, holding it tightly. “It’s going to be okay, baby.”

Jace’s free hand curled into his jeans, attempting to focus all of his attention onto comforting Simon. He watched as Avaria’s fingers danced along Simon’s forehead, blue light flowing from them as she discarded his glasses by handing them off to Magnus. Clary burst into the bathroom with Isabelle and Becky. Avaria’s gaze flickered over her shoulder. “Miss Lightwood, would you please hold onto to Miss Fairchild? I asked her to be here, yes, but only to monitor her.”

The blood pumping through Jace’s body ran cold. He turned his head to Isabelle wrapping her arms around Clary from behind. Alec was the one who spoke up, his voice soft and hesitant. “What are you planning on doing to Simon?”

The whole room was silent aside from the water running and Simon’s rapid breathing. Avaria’s face twisted into a grimace.

“We have to drown him.”

Time seemed to freeze. Around him, he heard the others protesting, Clary fighting against Isabelle’s arms, and Magnus’ shocked demands for explanation.

Jace didn’t say a word. Simon was a Loreley. A water creature by nature. He was half-Shadowhunter. He’d lived the majority of his life as a human, neither Shadowhunter, nor Loreley. Then, when he did become a Shadowhunter, the Loreley instincts protested. Jace recalled Simon telling them about how long he’d been having these dreams and attacks. It’d been happening since he was a child. That’s a long time to not connect with his Loreley side.

His voice cut through the bickering. “Will it kill him?”

Everyone went quiet and turned to him.

“Yes, and no. We need his senses to reconnect with the Loreley side of him. If we’re unlucky, however, it may kill his Shadowhunter side.” Avaria explained. “Either way, he will live. I can’t predict the exact turnout, however.”

Jace nodded, the movement glacially slow. “Okay.”

“Okay?! Jace, no-” He heard Clary protest, but closed his eyes to avoid seeing her expression.

“Clary. Stop. He’s going to die either way. This way, at least there’s a _chance_.”

She went quiet and he opened his eyes to see her say, “Okay.”

Avaria moved her hand to cover Simon’s nose and mouth. “I need help holding him down. Magnus, Jonathan, if you would.”

Jace grabbed Simon’s shoulders, fighting away the emotions rising and lowering his brunette back into the water. Magnus pinned down Simon’s thighs, and Avaria pushed his head beneath the water. The water over his face seemed to wake Simon up. The glassy gaze was gone and replaced by panic. He struggled against Jace’s hands, and Jace found himself murmuring soft apologies and ‘I love you’s. It was awful to watch, but Jace couldn’t close his eyes or look away. The life and fight slowly drained from Simon as the oxygen slide out of his lungs.

As they held Simon under the water, Clary went crazy inside Izzy’s arms. Her hands flew to her _parabatai_ Rune, and Alec had to rush over to help hold the girl. Her screams were so loud, but somehow the room was so quiet.

Then, Simon stopped fighting.

Clary dropped to the floor of the bathroom, doubling over in pain with screams and sobs.

But all Jace heard was the water.

Jace drew his arms away from Simon’s body, and both Avaria and Magnus mimicked the action. Nothing happened. He sucked in a sharp breath. Simon was dead. Oh, God. He’d killed Simon, he’d killed his-

The faucet shut off without anyone touching it and the water rippled several times. Beneath the water, Simon’s skin shimmered. Silver and blue patches spread on his neck and hands. As Jace leaned forward to get a better look, Simon lurched up into a sitting position, grabbing Jace by the neck. The brown eyes he’d grown used to waking up to in the morning, the brown eyes he loved so much, were gone. A pair of sharp blue eyes held his and only one thing crossed his mind.

_This is not Simon._


	8. Kiss me hard before you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Here it is, folks! The final chapter of the first installment of The Siren Song series. I'm really excited to have finished this before Christmas. I actually cried a little writing this. Usual warnings apply here, and come see me at the notes at the bottom for some ideas about a new fic.
> 
> P.S. THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY LOVELY READERS WHO LEAVE ME KUDOS AND COMMENTS. I LOVE YOU ALL.

_"Damn it, I didn’t think the greenhouse was so cold.” Simon laughed, picking up an apple slice from the blanket laid out on the greenhouse floor. He looked up at Jace, unable to fight his smile. Simon leaned forward a little bit, brushing his lips against Jace’s before he ate the apple slice. “Normally, it’s the other way around. Greenhouses are supposed to be warm.”_

_Jace slipped off his leather jacket, draping it over Simon’s shoulders. “Here.”_

_"You’re a sap.” Simon grinned, pushing up his glasses and leaning in close to Jace. “Just be glad that I am too.”_

_Their lips brushed and Simon scooted closer, kissing Jace again. His teeth brushed across Jace’s lower lip as he nipped it gently. A hand came up to tangle in Simon’s hair and he let out a low sound of pleasure in response. Simon traced up Jace’s chest with his hand, pausing over a Rune and etching out its shape._

_They kissed a bit more, each one growing more heated with each breath in between. Of course, that is, until Simon sneezed._

~!~

“No one move.” Avaria’s voice was quiet, but stern. She held her arm out to the other Shadowhunters away. She angled her head at Simon/Not-Simon, ignoring Clary’s loud gasps of pain from the other side of the room. “ _Estralin_.”

 Jace watched as Simon/Not-Simon’s gaze snapped to her at the word, his blue eyes growing even colder. Blue eyes. That was new.

 “ _Estralin_ , let him go.”

~!~

_Their fingers wove together on the pillows. Soft huffs of breath and the gentle movements were the only thing to be heard. Simon’s other arm curled around the back of Jace’s neck, his fingers twisting into the blonde curls. Jace held him tight, their bodies moving together as one. Their chests pressed together, leaving little to no room between them. Simon curled a leg up around Jace, each shift a little more pleasurable and intimate than the last. Simon’s hand unfurled from Jace’s hair and slid down his chest to brush over the Rune directly over the other’s heart._

_“I love you.” Simon’s words came out as quiet moans and pants. There was the certain desperation to his voice that told too many things. He didn’t want have to go. He didn’t want to die. He wasn’t ready to be Simon Whitescar. He wanted to stay this Simon just a bit longer. A storm was coming, things were changing. But, oh how he wanted them to stay the same. Tears of pleasure and distress filled his eyes as another bolt of ecstasy rocked through his body, his back arching off of the mattress._

_“I love you too.”Jace’s lips brushed his own. His eyes were warm; holding every ounce of comfort Simon needed while taking every ounce of comfort Simon offered. Simon choked on a sob. This was it for him, he knew. He knew things were going to be much different now. He had a feeling that this was it for them, too. For Simon, this night was not only a celebration, but a goodbye._

~!~

For a moment, Simon’s grip only tightened around Jace’s throat. A deep, songlike voice that wasn’t Simon’s passed through Simon’s mouth. **_“Warlock, know your place. You don’t command me.”_**

“I can take you home, _Estralin_ , to your mother.” The voice Avaria used turned to a plea. “Please, subdue yourself until we can reach her. Do you wish harm upon the innocent?”

Spots started to flood Jace’s vision and he choked out, _“Simon, please.”_

The creature’s gaze turned upon him. He angled his head at Jace, his grip loosened some. **_“You speak the tongue of my people.”_**

"No,  _Estralin,_ you understand the tongue of his people. He does not understand your words.”

Jace waved a hand at Avaria, telling her to stop. She fell silent, and so did the creature. He grabbed Simon by the collar of his shirt, pulling himself closer. He slammed their lips together with one prayer to the Angel. _Come back to me._

 ~!~

_“I’ll do yours if you do mine.” Simon grinned, twirling his stele as he plopped down on the sofa._

_Catarina huffed out a laugh from where she leaned against her kitchen counter. “I don’t believe you quite understand how this works.”_

_Jace laughed, shrugging off his leather jacket and changing into his fresh set of clothes. He didn’t seem to mind that Catarina was in the room, and she didn’t seem to mind that he was changing in front of her. Simon dug through their bags until he found his clothes. He stood up and went into the restroom to change, however. It didn’t take long for him to put them on and comb his hands through his hair a few times to make it look neater._

_When he came out of the bathroom, Jace stood from his seat on the sofa with a surprised smile, emotions of many different kinds flying across his face. “Wow. You look- Wow.”  
_

_"I don't think I've ever left you speechless before." Simon said with a coy smile. He pushed up his glasses as a blush rose to his cheeks. "_ _But, I, uh, think you look nice too.”_

_“Getting shy on me now, Lovelace? Remember that I’ve seen you naked.” Jace teased with a soft laugh, twirling his stele in his hand as he sat back down._

_“Shut up!” Simon’s face burned and he rubbed his arm. “This is… different.”_

_J_ _ace stilled his stele, his gaze focusing in on Simon’s in a whole new way. His voice was soft when he spoke, “I know. We don’t have to do this, you know.”_

_“Jace, I think you misunderstand. I **want** this.” Simon moved over to the other Shadowhunter and took his hand. “I honestly just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”_

_He was pulled down into a gentle kiss by the lapel of his jacket. Simon let out a soft laugh against Jace’s lips. Catarina cleared her throat from the other side of the room. “Boys, I don’t mean to interrupt, but don’t you agree we should do this sooner rather than later?”_

~!~

“Jace-” Simon’s words were a gasp and his hand fell from Jace’s throat. Jace’s hand lifted to the spot where Simon’s hand had been. Simon curled in on himself, his whole body shaking and causing splashes in the water. “Jace, it’s- It’s still inside me- Get it out, I can’t-”

“Baby, baby,” He touched his forehead to Simon’s, ignoring the water trickling onto his skin. “It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll figure this out.”

“Jace, Jace,” The silvery-blue patches on Simon’s skin only seemed to spread. His eyes flickered between brown and blue, filling with tears. Jace reached forward, brushing his fingers down Simon’s cheeks were some of the scaly patches started to appear. Sobs bubbled out of Simon, tears pouring down his cheeks. “Jace, I’m sorry. I can’t stay- I said I would stay-”

Jace fought away the tears filling his own eyes. “Don’t talk like that, baby. We’re going to figure this out.”

Simon choked on a sound of pain, tears continuing to run down his face. “I’m sorry- I love you so much- I’m dying, Jace, I can’t stay- Clary, I’m sorry, Becky, everyone- I love you all, I just can’t stay-”

A hand touched Jace’s shoulder drawing him back. Alec was behind him, moving him backwards slowly. “Jace,” the words were whispered to him. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Jace stumbled backward into Alec and watched as Avaria shifted to take his spot. She reached forward for Simon. “Simon, we’re going to go see your mother. She can help you.”

“Simon-” Jace choked on the word, swallowing hard. Alec held him tight, offering the stability he so desperately needed. They watched as Avaria used her magic to lull Simon into sleep. She caught him before he fell sideways into the bathtub. Avaria was careful in her movements of getting Simon out, almost as though she was handling a child.

Avaria turned to look above him, at Alec. “As Head of the Institute, I formally request your permission to transport your Shadowhunter to his birth mother off of the coast of California.”

Alec let out a long breath behind Jace. “Permission granted.”

~!~

“I can’t feel him anymore.” Clary was position on Simon’s bed, her head hung low and her hair framing her face. Tears burned in her eyes, and she looked up at Jace, freezing him in the doorway. Isabelle pushed past him and sat beside Clary, curling her arm around the smaller girl. Clary didn’t push away, didn’t even react to the touch. “He’s… Gone.

“There’s this… hollow feeling. Void.” She swallowed, rubbing her hand over her heart. “A part of me is just… gone.”

“Oh, Clary.” Isabelle breathed out, enveloping Clary in her arms. Isabelle’s fingers were gentle as they combed through her hair. The sweetness and comfort of the action broke Clary. Tears spilled out of her eyes and loud, ugly sobs poured out. She curled into Isabelle, her whole body shaking. It was so empty. There was no other way to describe the void that now gaped inside of her. That other part of her, the recognition of Simon’s every move so small as a twitch, the way they melted together perfectly… It was just gone.

And somehow, Clary knew, she wouldn’t get it back.

~!~

“What are you thinking right now?”

Alec looked up from his hands and up at Magnus in the doorway. A soft sigh pushed through his mouth. Magnus stepped into the room and the door clicked shut. He sat down beside Alec on the bed.

“I just wish things hadn’t gone this way. Simon didn’t deserve this. Clary didn’t deserve this. Even Jace didn’t deserve this. He’s cut me off from our _parabatai_ bond. He doesn’t want me to feel what he’s feeling, and it’s not like I don’t understand that, but I just… Something’s missing. Something’s not adding up, Magnus.”

“Alexander,” Magnus’ hand brushed along his jaw and his voice was only a murmur. “I’ve known that from the beginning. You needn’t worry about it. I have someone taking care of it. Best of the best.”

Alec sighed. “Okay. I trust you.”

Biting his lip, Alec’s gaze flickered up to Magnus. He lifted a hand into Magnus’ dark locks. “Distract me?”

“Always.” Magnus’ lips brushed his owns, the words a quiet promise as the warlock pressed his knee between Alec’s legs and lowered him back onto the bed. “Always.”

~!~

“Jon- Jace.” Catarina corrected herself, crossing the seemingly empty living room to take a seat beside him. Everyone was off in their own corners of the Institute, and while Jace longed for the piano keys at his fingertips, it just wasn’t time. With a shaky breath, he lifted his gaze to the blue-skinned warlock and she sat beside him. She held out a hand; an offering of solace, of comfort. When he made no movement, she huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes. She grabbed his hand tightly in hers and used her free hand to trace small patterns on his hand. “I have no words to describe what you must be feeling right now.”

Something about the way she said the words caused him to pause, pondering over his feelings. Behind the shock, a sharp tug at his heart was the ache of being about to watch the love of his life leave. But, there was something else. A steadiness, some form of peace. It was small, nestled all the way in the back of his heart and his mind, but it was there nonetheless.

He took a long, deep breath. “It’s going to be okay.”

“And why do you believe that?”

The words weren’t invasive, or disbelieving, or even accusatory. It was just a simple question; something to learn, to understand. There weren’t enough of just questions, anymore. Even for a Shadowhunter, Jace’s life had never been normal though, had it? It was only fair everything else changed along with it.

A slow smile, albeit one full of pain, spread across Jace’s face. He lifted his free hand and tapped two fingers to the right of his heart, but only just so. “This.”

Catarina raised a white eyebrow, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Her twin white braids moved with her as she leaned towards him, and he was thankful that her white blouse was buttoned up to the black collar because the last thing he needed was to create an awkward situation with Catarina. Her words were soft, and she was close enough Jace could feel her breath on his face. “Oh? Do share with the class.”

Jace winked at her, drawing away and reclining back on the couch. His hand stayed in hers, but his free arm draped along the back of the couch and he propped up his leg on his knee. “I don’t need to. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Why don’t you think his _parabatai_ is as confident as you are?”

His expression fell, becoming tight. “In a way he just died, so I understand the severance of their bond. Though, there is a part of me, my angelic blood, that has the feeling he’ll return. He’ll be home soon, Catarina. If he isn’t, well, I supposed we’ll just have to go find him, won’t we?”

The woman laughed, throwing her head back. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

~!~

“Simon, sweet child, it’s time for us to leave.” A gentle hand shook his shoulder as the voice filled his ears. The world blurred to life as he peeled his eyes open. His glasses were handed to him, and he slipped them onto his face with a yawn. The gentle hands prodded him to his feet and helped him change clothes as Simon was slowly drawn out of the world of sleep.

Avaria curled her fingers around the crook of his elbow. “I have the few belongings you might would need and the portal is drawn up outside in the courtyard of the Institute. Everyone will be there, but we must go soon. Your state worsens quickly, child.”

Even though the bleariness of sleep was gone, a thick fog was still in Simon’s mind. He nodded along to what Avaria said, fighting to keep his eyes open as he stumbled every few steps. The pain was gone, but the sleep deprivation was starting to kick in. Simon was guided through the hallways of the Institute as he hobbled along.

The fog in his mind tugged his thoughts back and forth, not truly letting Simon think or form proper sentences. When he opened his mouth to speak, his tongue was leaden and he couldn’t get the words out. Furrowing his brow, a sleepy sound escaped him. Something was wrong. Something wasn’t right.

But that didn’t matter anymore, did it? Everything was going to be okay now.

And then Avaria was maneuvering a coat onto his body with gentle arms and spoke with a gentle voice. “It’s cold out, sweet child. It’s snowing. It won’t be on the coast, but we can figure that out when we arrive.”

Simon just nodded, letting himself be tugged out into the snowy courtyard of the Institute.

The first snow of the year. What a way to spend it.

In the center of the courtyard, Clary was crouched over, preparing a portal. Unlike the normal shimmery purple the portals were, this one was a light gray. Clary looked up as they came forward and Simon saw tearstains on her cheeks. She adjusted the _Naruto_ beanie on her head with a sad smile. She waved a little in greeting. Magnus and Catarina were until one of the leafless trees, engaged in what appeared to be playful conversation with Becky, who was bundled up tightly in warm clothing. Alec stood not too far off, leaning up against the gate of the Institute, speaking softly with Isabelle and Jace.

At the sound of the Institute door closing, the others all turned to face him. He offered a dazed smile, nothing quite processing right. It was like being back on his sleeping meds. Simon fought a slight laugh of delirium. The world was hazy, but also gave him that elated feeling of being high. Lights seemed to glitter and everything held an additional blur to it. This time he did laugh, the sound filled with joy and delirium.

Jace was walking towards him, his brows together. Simon giggled again as Jace came close to him. He pushed his pointer finger and placed it between the two blonde eyebrows. “Don’t let it wrinkle, Jay.”

A steadying hand rested on his hip and the blonde’s attention turned away from him and to the warlock next him. Simon threw himself forward onto Jace as the Shadowhunter spoke with Avaria. His arms wrapped around Jace’s shoulders and he nuzzled his face into Jace’s collarbone. “I loooove you, soooo muuuuch.”

As he dragged out the words, Simon burst into giggles again. That was fun to say. It was fun to draaggg. Ooout. Eaaach. Sylllaaablee.

“He’s practically fucking high!” came Jace’s harsh whisper to Avaria. “Of course I want to fucking know what you did to him!”

“Did you want that beast inside of him returning, young Herondale?” was the warlock’s returned snarl. “I sedated him with a bit of magic. It will muddle his thoughts some to keep his other half from returning.”

The others got closer and Simon waved, not leaving his spot where he was pressed against Jace and Jace was supporting almost all of his weight. He distinctly heard his sister’s soft, “Oh, _Simon_.”

Some of the haze wore off, but not enough to make his thoughts coherent. He tugged on Jace’s coat. “Jay, mm, Jay, I gotta go. ‘m sick, but she’ll make me better. ‘ll be better soon, m’kay?”

“I know, Simon. I know.” Jace stepped backwards, guiding Simon with him as he cradled the brunette’s head against his shoulder. Each step was slow and careful; deliberate. Alec was behind Jace now, helping his _parabatai_ shuffle them to the portal. “It’s time to say goodbye to everyone now, Simon.”

Simon pulled himself away from Jace, his limbs heavy. “You last, okay?”

Jace pecked his lips before stepping away. “Okay.”

Alec swooped in before Simon could fall forward onto his face. Simon patted Alec on the head. His hair was soft.

“I like you. You’re smart.” He tapped Alec’s nose. “Boop. I think you’ll do great here and you always know how to figure things out. Sometimes I don’t like you though, because you’re so smart it makes me feel stupid. Bye-bye, Alec. Take care of Becky, m’kay?”

Alec huffed and let out a short laugh. “Okay, Simon. I promise. Goodbye.”

Simon was passed along to Isabelle and Clary stood next to her. “Clary, Izzy! My two lesbian lover friends-! You guys make out and have a lot of awesome sex while I’m gone, okay? You’re both like, my best friends. Ever. Especially Clary. ‘Cause you’re my pair-para-”

“ _Parabatai._ ” Clary whispered softly, tears pouring over her cheeks. “I’m going to miss you, Simon.”

“Nooo, no crying here! Be happy, I’m going to go get better!” Simon enthused, struggling to pump a fist as he leaned against is. “Then, I’ll be back, good as new!”

Clary offered him a crooked smile. “Yeah. Yeah, you will. Because you’re my _parabatai_ and I can’t live without you, okay?”

“Goodbye, Simon.” The girls said in unison.

“Bye girls!” He waved as he was passed over to Magnus so he could look at Becky. “Becky! Big sister, I’mma miss you. But, I’ll see you again soon.”

Becky launched herself forward and hugged him, ending up embracing Magnus too. “Simon, I love you. So much. Remember that, okay? No matter what happens, I love you so much.”

“I always liked you, Sherman.” Magnus ruffled his hair, and then there was Jace.

Jace pulled Simon close by the belt loops of his jeans. He pressed his lips to Simon’s and for a few moments, Simon was completely and utterly sober. He drew away for a minute to find Jace’s hands. Searching his golden eyes, tears filled his own. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Jace’s.

“Hey.”

The word was nothing more than a whisper. Jace’s hand was warm as it crept along the small of his spine. His breath brushed Simon’s mouth. “Hey. Good to see you’re back to your sane self for a few moments.”

Simon lifted a hand, caressing Jace’s cheek. The skin beneath his hand was so warm. “Jace, I… I'm scared."

“I know, baby. I love you, Simon. I’m going to miss you so much. But, it’s all going to be okay.” Jace’s touches were gentle, tracing patterns along his spine. He moved his hand to take Simon’s, guiding it to a spot on his chest.

“How do you know?” Simon’s voice wavered. His body began to tremble as the fog began to nip at the edges of his mind again.

"Because,” Jace drawled with a smile, his fingers curling over Simon’s. “I promised you that I would always find you, and I intend to keep that promise.”

A tear slid down Simon’s cheek and he brushed his nose against Jace’s. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The word was a rush of breath and Jace was kissing him. Everything began to fall into place. The cold rush of wind which was accompanied by the gentle fall of snow tangled with the choir of nature and murmurs of their friends. His eyes slipped closed. He wished he could watch this moment; take pictures in his mind and keep it forever.

But Jace was so warm. And he was so cold. And so, so tired.

Jace’s kiss grew more desperate the longer they were pressed together. The more desperate Jace grew, the more desperate Simon grew. He was clinging to Jace like a lifeline, the kiss itself being the sea he was drowning in. It was lips pressed together, but somehow, there was an infinite amount of emotion behind it. Waves and waves of desperation, tsunamis of endless love and passion, and a rainfall of security and stability.

Simon drew away only to catch his breath, but struggled to keep himself from diving back in for the oceans of emotion. His voice was broken and cracked when he whispered, “I have to go.”

_I don't want to go._

Jace’s voice didn’t different much from his own. “I know.”

 _It’s okay_. The return murmur brushed through his mind, the unspoken words that Jace didn’t have to say.

As slow as they could, they drew away from each other.

As Avaria pulled him away to the portal, Jace called after him, “Remember my promise! Remember yours!”

“I love you, Mr. Herondale!” Simon yelled back, seconds before he was pulled through the shimmering portal.

“And I you.” The words were a soft whisper, nothing but a promise to the Shadowhunter who had disappeared through the portal.

The portal disappeared, and Jace simply just stood, watching where the portal had once been. He took a few steps back and sat down on the steps of the Institute. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to process what had happened.

One by one, the others joined him on the steps. They were a family, albeit a strange one. Mismatched was what they did best, however many people may disapprove. Alec was on his right, their legs pressed together, and Magnus beside him. Becky was curled into Magnus’ other side, resting her head on his shoulder. Isabelle sat on the step below him, leaning her head against his left knee. Clary was nestled under his left arm and curled into his side. Catarina was the last to join, taking her place in front of Isabelle, only just so.

They stayed outside until long past the sun went down, watching where the portal had been. Together, they reminisced about the boy who once was.

Though it may seem like the end, their story was far from over and their boy would be found again. After all, his Shadowhunter half was surely still alive. For now, though, they would have to deal with the Clave. Then, they would find Caleb Whitescar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! What did y'all think? Thoughts, comments, opinions? Leave 'em below. Also, because it is the last chapter of the fic, I want to ask my readers what their favorite part of this story was. Sidenote: quite a bit of foreshadowing in this chapter for something bigger to come. Can anybody take a guess before I reveal it?
> 
> Hey, so new fic ideas and new fandoms I've joined! I've really been on an Until Dawn kick lately. How would you guys feel about a Chris Hartley/Josh Washington fic? 
> 
> Thank you so much for tuning in to this fic, and I hope to see you in the next parts of the series!
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
> 
> ~Swift

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and reviews and kudos are much appreciated! Any suggestions or thoughts? Let me know!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at shimmeringswift.tumblr.com!


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